


The Slower Path

by 2x2



Category: Firefly, Serenity (2005)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2008-02-23
Updated: 2016-01-06
Packaged: 2018-05-12 05:31:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 37,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5654221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2x2/pseuds/2x2
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mal and Inara's journey toward building a relationship together, post Miranda.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Favourite Things

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written as an RP with terimaru (it won't let me add her as a co author for some reason) over on LiveJournal.  
> Does not include the comics' canon.

"It's beautiful," Inara said, coming down the ramp to where Mal stood amidst the falling snow. True, they had already lost four days due to the weather – Serenity's engines bogged down with so much ice that they didn’t have the fuel to thaw through it – but for once, the Companion didn't really mind. The days here had been wonderful – once Mal had resigned himself to the fact that they weren't getting off this world anytime soon. Kaylee and River were especially enjoying the time, hours spent in the snow like children. Even Zoe had ventured out for a stroll earlier today, and Mal had to see the good in that. And it was beautiful, the soft whisper of falling flakes and the creaking of tree branches under the heavy weight of the snow the only sounds. Quiet. Peaceful.

Mal kicked at a pile of the snow on the ground, grimacing when the toe of his boot broke it open with an icy crunch. “Pretty enough, I reckon; but if the temperatures don’t rise we’ll be here 'til the spring thaw. He looked ruefully at the white landscape before turning to Inara, a smile touching the corner of his mouth as he watched her pick her way down in dainty shoes. “Might be we need to buy you a pair of boots, come the next market we hit.”

She glanced down at her shoes and smiled. "And how far away is spring here? A month? Two?" She sighed contentedly as she came to stand next to him. "I could deal with a few months vacation, couldn't you?"  
Mal raised his eyebrows and remained silent, reluctant to admit he’d never taken a vacation. “I’d say easy four more months of this, but they do have warm spells in between. We’ll just wait for one of ‘em. You…uh…you take months of vacation often? Back when you was workin’ on Sihnon?”

Inara laughed softly. "Not so much, no," she said, lifting her eyes to the blue blackness of the sky above, smiling as the snowflakes settled in her hair and lashes. "Serenity is the closest I've come to a vacation really," she continued softly. "There's something to be said for the slower path."

“While I don’t mind takin’ the slower path, it bothers me some to be stalled. Ain’t generatin’ any income sittin’ here.” Mal sighed, bending to look at the snow as if he’d just discovered something near his foot. “Will you look at that?” he said, amazed, as he bent down and skimmed an object up with his gloved hand. “Somebody left a perfectly good snowball layin' right here on the ground.” He grinned as he fired it at her, hitting Inara squarely in the chest. He chuckled at the look on her face, feeling better than he had since they got snowbound.

She shrieked, gaping at him in shock. "You - you!" she sputtered, unable to stop her grin when he laughed, a vengeful glint lighting in her eye. "You are so dead!" she vowed, reaching for a handful of snow and running at him.

Mal laughed harder, surprised that she would play. He waited until she was almost on him, then spun away, pivoting back to catch her from behind, holding her loaded hand away from him. "Is that all you got?" he taunted, sliding his hand up to grasp her wrist, shaking her arm so that small clumps of snow fell out of her clenched fingers.”

"Hey!" she protested, laughing. She angled her wrist back and made an awkward throw, the snowball sailing over his shoulder harmlessly as she tried to twist away. She dropped downward and scooped up a handful of loose snow, flinging it back into his surprised face, tugging at his hand ineffectually all the while to free her wrist.

Gasping as wet snow trickled down past his collar, Mal turned her to face him, making a grab at her free hand and missing. He tugged her closer, holding on to her captured fingers. “Boots and gloves. One would think you’ve not spent a lot of time out of doors, Ms. Serra,” he commented, looking down at her small bare hand.

"Let go, or you're getting another!" she threatened, still grinning as she bent for more snow despite her cold fingers.

“That ain’t happenin’," he chuckled, making a swipe for her free hand, gasping as his booted foot slipped on the ice-crusted snow. He caught her fingers but lost his balance, grabbing her shoulder to steady himself.

She gasped as Mal went down, feet sliding out from under him to land on his back heavily, his weight on her shoulder unbalancing her too. Then she was falling, her feet tripped up by his, and without her hands free she was unable to brace against the impact as she dropped on top of him, her head cracking against his jaw soundly.

"---ow!" she hissed, squeezing her eyes shut with a wince as Mal groaned beneath her.

“When you said you was gonna kill me, I conjured it was more a figure o’ speech,” Mal grumbled, experimentally moving his jaw. He stopped, satisfied it wasn’t broken, then cupped Inara’s face, tipping it up for him to see. “You hurt?” he asked, brushing a finger over the small bump on her forehead.  
  
"Ow! Yes!" she complained, pushing at his hand with a grimace. She sighed, rubbing the bump gingerly. "Sorry," she said a moment later, realizing he was only trying to help, feeling bad for pushing him away. "Are you okay?" she asked, an apology in her eyes.

Mal smiled up at her and shifted a little beneath her. “I been in worse predicaments,” he teased, his gloved hand sliding along her calf. “Need to get you in out of this weather with you wearin' these flimsy clothes.”

She arched an eyebrow at him. "I hadn't quite expected to end up lying in the snow," she said, poking him in the chest. "Next time I'll be more prepared," she warned, grinning. "I'll wear a helmet."

“Next time? You aimin’ to lay on top’o me a lot, are ya?” he asked, faking surprised concern.

"I guess that depends on you," she said, giving him a serious look. "And whether or not you plan on tripping me again anytime soon," she added with a smirk.

Mal swallowed hard, any suggestion of a smile leaving his face. “I…uh…you have snow in your eyelashes,” he said inanely.

Inara smiled warmly, fluttering her lashes. "A few of my favorite things," she said, brushing snow from his bangs. Her thumb lingered on his forehead, caressing lightly, and - she couldn't help it - she dipped her head down and pressed her lips to his softly.

"I could maybe find more planets with snow," he offered as she pulled away, voice slightly hoarse.

Her smile widened and she trailed her thumb down his cheek, ghosting over his bottom lip and then his chin. "Let's take it one planet at a time," she chided softly. She drew in a happy sigh, lifting her gaze to the sky again. "I wish I did have appropriate clothing. It's a lovely night for a walk."

"Beautiful," he agreed softly, his eyes on her face before her words registered. "Kaylee's most like got something you could wear. I'll wait; you wanna go see. Ain't in no hurry - that's for sure."

She brought her gaze back down to him at his words, still smiling. "Maybe," she said, making no move to get up. She brushed his bangs again, affectionately. "You're getting wet."

"It is a might chilly, but the company's good so I hate to rush away." He slid his hands over her calves again, squeezing them lightly before sliding them up her sides to loosely rest them on her waist. "Need to get you inside though. A good case of pneumonia would be all we'd need to top this job off," Mal said, making no move to get off the ground.

She nodded reluctantly. "Catching a cold isn't one of my top priorities," she admitted, pushing herself up carefully to a sitting position, shivering at the chill that crept into her without his warmth.

Mal sat up as well, keeping her close with one hand on her back. Reaching down, he unbuttoned his coat, and pulled her tighter to him as he wrapped her in its warmth, thankful for the cold for once. "You can slide your hands in to warm 'em, but no ticklin' - and no more snow," he warned with a small grin.

Her lips twitched in a grin and she shifted closer to him, slipping her hands inside his coat, sighing at the warmth of him. "How can you be so warm?" she asked, snuggling into him until she was pressed against his chest, her head tucked under his chin.

Mal froze, unable to formulate anything that resembled a sentence. Instead he simply shrugged and hesitantly at first, then with more confidence wrapped his arms around her, gathering her small form snuggly against him. He closed his eyes, inhaling the scent of her hair and light perfume, luxuriating in the feel of feminine curves and satiny silks. Instead of ruining the moment with idle chatter, he simply pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

She smiled against his neck at the feel of his lips on her crown and nuzzled the underside of his jaw contentedly, sighing happily.

"We should probably go back inside," she whispered, lips brushing his throat. "Not that I'm in any hurry to move." She hummed against him, eyes closed, wrapped up in him. "This is nice."

Shuddering slightly, Mal angled his head down to brush another light kiss on her temple, "Real nice," he agreed, skimming his lips across her cheek, his lips warm against her cold skin.

She shivered, the cold only partially responsible, and turned her head, lips seeking his. She kissed him softly; gentle, exploratory first kisses, sweet and tender, her arms tightening around him as she did. "No one's ever kissed me in the snow under the stars before," she said quietly, eyes still closed as she absorbed the moment.

“Well, darlin’, they don’t know what they missed,” Mal sighed against her skin, his hand sliding up her back to lightly cup her head before he moved helplessly back to her lips, their kisses deepening into passion despite the cold around them.  
Inara surrendered to the pull of his lips, breaths quickening as a small moan escaped her. Gasping softly, she slipped her fingers up between their mouths, covering his as she pulled back slightly with a giddy smile. She pressed her forehead against his, breathing hard.

"I think," she said between breaths, "that I should, maybe, go back to my shuttle now..." She chuckled softly, lips ghosting over her fingers and his mouth, barely touching.

Mal reached for her hand, nipped the pads of her fingers lightly with his teeth, then pressed a soft, smiling kiss to them. "If you'll help me up, I'll escort you myself," he said softly, memorizing her face; pink cheeks, laughing eyes, hair dotted with snow flakes, and her lips shiny and slightly swollen from their kisses. He moved her hand away to touch his mouth to hers once more.

Her lids closed and she released a chuckling sigh and sank into his kiss again, smiling against his lips even as she opened her mouth against his, offering him more.

His breath was as warm as the rest of his body and she accepted it greedily, knowing that if they didn’t stop soon, they weren't likely to stop at all, and not really certain if she wanted to. "Mal," she moaned into his mouth, lost to the sensation of his kisses.

He gradually pulled away from her with an effort, breathing heavily, smiling into her upturned face. "No, really, you'll have to help me up," he joked, lightening the moment even as he acknowledged that he wanted nothing more than to follow her to her bed; but it was too soon, too new, and as he'd said earlier, he was in no rush. He touched his lips to her reddened nose and brushed his thumb over her cheek to dislodge a snowflake. "There's something to be said for the slower path," he reminded her, using her earlier words. "Now get off me, woman, before I freeze solid to this piece of ground."

Sighing only half-jokingly in disappointment, she relented, knowing he was right. "Just so long as we don't stall," she said quietly, her smile holding a note of seriousness. She pushed herself up off him, then bent and offered him her hands, helping to pull him to his feet.

She stared at him for a long moment as he stood, a soft smile playing over her lips. "Well," she started, but trailed off, feeling herself inexplicably blushing under his gaze.

Shrugging his coat off he wrapped it around her shoulders. You go on ahead." Pulling her closer, hands cupping her elbows, he pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. "Need to take a turn around the ship; check that forward engine."

Inara started to say more, but hesitated, nodding ruefully. She pulled on the lapels of his coat, tightening it around her shoulders. "Don't be out too long. Without your coat, you'll catch cold."

"Oh, I'm not worried about that; 'm still plenty warm," he teased with a tender smile before turning her toward the ship with a gentle push. "G'night, Inara."

A smirk of understanding spread over her face and she nodded lightly, stepping up onto the ramp. She turned back to him and gave him a smile of promise. "Good night, Mal," she called softly and then headed back up into the ship.


	2. Long Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inara returns Mal's coat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As requested, a sequel to Favourite Things, the first of hopefully many! We're making this a series now, called The Slower Path. Thanks for reading, and hope you enjoy.

She’d woken late that morning, later than she’d meant to, and the sounds of an active crew could already be heard through out the ship as she exited her shuttle, Mal’s coat folded over her arms neatly. She hesitated on the catwalk, and then took the back stairs up to the front hallway, avoiding the mess. She wasn’t sure she wanted to create a spectacle out of returning the coat, certain that there would be speculation amongst the crew soon enough.

She turned down the hall to the crew quarters, glancing over her shoulder into the mess where she could see Kaylee, River and Simon talking animatedly over breakfast, and she smiled softly, before making her way quietly to Mal’s bunk. The hatch was closed, and she was on the verge of knocking when she heard Zoe and Mal’s voices coming down from the bridge. She turned towards them hesitantly as they came down the stairs into the hall, Zoe’s eyes quickly taking note of what she held, and then the first mate gave a brief nod and continued on to the kitchen, leaving her and Mal alone.

“I, uh,” she started, finding it unnervingly difficult to meet his eyes, but she forced them up into his soft stare. “I wanted to thank-you… for last night. For the coat,” she clarified, holding it out to him, chagrined at her nervousness.

“Couldn’t have you all froze and stiff like,” Mal said with a smile as he accepted it. “Zoe and me was just headed into town. Could come along – find yourself some boots and a pair of warm gloves at the mercantile,” he added as he slipped the coat on. Pausing, Mal sniffed the air, then the lapel of his jacket. “Huh,” he mused, a peculiar smile pulling at one side of his mouth.

“I… what?” she asked, puzzled by his smile.

“Oh, uh...just...this coat's smelled like a lot of things in its day, but flowery’s never been one of 'em," he said with a small smile. "Ain't unpleasant," he assured her.

“Oh! I, uh…” she stammered, feeling suddenly embarrassed and she had an irrational worry that he somehow knew she had slept with his coat beside her last night. “Sorry,” she said anyway. “Well.” She shrugged slightly. “I, um, I promised Kaylee we’d… spend some time together…” she trailed off apologetically, motioning toward the galley with a hand. “But, thank-you,” she added hastily, wanting to assure him that she would have gone otherwise.

“Inara,” he said, catching her hand in his and pulling her around to face him, though he found himself staring at a spot over her ear rather than her eyes. “Was hopin’ that if you had some cold-weather clothes we could take that walk tonight. Won’t be gone but a while–” he said, chancing a glance at her, “and Zoe’ll be along to uh…and Kaylee’s got to get that compression coil cleaned,” he improvised, nodding, not having the slightest idea if you cleaned a compression coil or not, just knowing that he hadn’t slept a wink the night before for thinking of her, of them.

She felt her heart speed up at his reference to their conversation last night and a quick smile flashed across her lips. “Mal, you can’t go giving Kaylee extra work just to… besides, I don’t have anything to wear to get to town right now. And I won’t ask Kaylee to lend me her things and cancel our plans too.” She took a step forward, bringing them closer, her eyes fixed on his chest. “Maybe,” she said, gaze flicking up to his for a moment before dropping again, “you could pick something up for me?” she suggested.

“I wasn’t –“ he started to protest when the rest of her words registered. “Well, I…” he foundered for something to say, ”Wouldn’t know the first thing ‘bout buyin’ women’s things…” Mal frowned, searching for a solution. “Fine. Hold up your hand,” he finally said, holding out his own in front of her, swallowing when she placed her soft palm against his rougher one. “Reckon a small then,” he huffed, making no move to lower his hand. “Color you favor one over t’other?” he asked, heat from her skin running down his arm.

Inara had to press her lips together to fight back a smile at his improvised sizing method, the urge fading as she looked at the contrast of their hands together. Tianna, he had big hands.

“You two gonna hold hands all day, or are ya gonna come down for some ruttin’ breakfast?” Jayne called up suddenly, waiting impatiently for the meal’s leftovers, Kaylee’s admonishing “Jayne!” following. Inara turned, blushing suddenly at their audience as every member of the crew sat staring up at them from the mess below. She let her hand drop and stepped back slightly.

“I’m sure Zoe can help you,” she said nodding, taking another backwards step towards the mess. She paused though, and looked up to meet his eyes, pulling her lower lip between her teeth with an uncharacteristic lack of companion composure. “Brown,” she said softly. “I’m somewhat partial to brown.” She smiled shyly and then turned and headed down into the kitchen, taking a seat next to Zoe where she filled her plate with a glare at Jayne, doing her best to ignore Kaylee’s giant smile and the stares of her friends.

Mal followed, trying to glare sternly at Jayne, but not really following through. He grabbed a protein bar from the table and poured himself a cup of tea, eating as he stood while he looked expectantly at Zoe. “Wastin’ daylight,” he pointed out as he gulped the hot liquid and avoided looking at Inara.

“Yes, sir,” Zoe replied, casting a wry look at Kaylee as she finished her tea as well. Jayne emptied the last of the food onto his plate gleefully and Zoe stood to follow Mal out.

”Have fun, Cap’n,” said Kaylee. “Don’t be gone too long,” she added with a teasing look at Inara.

Inara bit back the smile she felt tugging at her own lips, but she couldn’t resist lifting her eyes to follow him as he walked out, one corner of her lips rising as he looked back at the doorway and met her gaze with his own tentative smile.

Then he was gone and Inara sighed softly. It was going to be a long day.


	3. The Basics

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mal and Zoe go shopping.

Mal added two boxes of ammunition to the assortment of rations on the counter, mentally figured the cost, then adjusted it as Zoe added a box of tea. She held up a small burlap bag of coffee with a questioning glance only to put it back as Mal shook his head with a regretful frown.

“Will that be all?” the shopkeeper asked from behind the worn wooden counter.

“Got a call for some women’s things.” Mal said. "Gloves, good pair of boots, maybe a …” he stopped, looking Zoe over to see what she had on. “Maybe a pair of pants,” he wondered out loud, his eyes asking the question of Zoe.

“Right over in that corner,” the shopkeeper informed him, pointing his thumb to the back of the store. “Everything you mentioned should be in that area. Underwear, too, if you’ve a need,” he added with a wink at Zoe.

Following his directions, Mal moved through canned goods, cleaning supplies, farming implements, and sacks of feed until he came to a long table of folded clothing sorted by item. Forgetting Zoe for a minute, he stopped by the first stack, lifting a pair of white cotton panties up to study them, and then quickly dropped them when he realized she was right behind him.

Zoe quirked an eyebrow at him, smirking slightly. “Lookin’ to change your wardrobe, Sir?” she asked.

“A little too high cut for me,” he deadpanned back, his eyes flickering from one stack to another searching for what he needed. “Why do women need so much stuff?” he asked, slightly confused as he lifted a scarf and then a hat. Rubbing his nose as he turned, he finally spotted the gloves. “There’s somethin’ practical,” he groused, as he leafed through the small cache until he found a brown pair. As he checked the size, he met Zoe’s amused gaze.

“It’s a favor, _juàn gù?_ She needs some clothes. Think you could find her a pair of jeans or pants that would fit? I gotta look through the shoes,” he huffed as he tossed the gloves, starting a new heap on the table.

Zoe merely nodded without commenting, finding it telling that he hadn’t even felt the need to distinguish that ‘she’ was Inara. Smiling a knowing smile, she moved to the pants, pulling out a few styles that she expected would fit the companion, one black, one olive, and one tan that was, coincidentally, quite close to the color of Mal’s own.

“How’s she fixed for shirts or a jacket?” she asked as she placed the pants in the mound for Mal to choose from, smirking at the look of consternation on his face as he examined the boots.

“Shirts she can borrow from Kaylee,” he stated firmly, returning the tan pants back in the store stack. He held up two pair of boots to Zoe, his eyebrows raised in question. “We ain’t got coin enough to be buyin’ a whole wardrobe and she’ll likely have her own stuff back 'fore much longer. You think she needs a jacket?” he asked, trying to remember if he’d seen her wearing a coat since they’d left the Alliance port.

Zoe pointed out her preference of boots and held up the olive and black pants in turn. “Not sure. Seen her wear a shawl from time to time. Guess that depends on what she plans on doin’ out in the snow,” she said, lips quirking. “Might have a sweater or two she could borrow.”

He met her smirk with a warning frown and pointed to the black pants. “Walkin’, I expect,” he said darkly, knowing all too well that Zoe would tease him to within an inch of his life if he let her. “What about this?” he asked as he held up a brown jacket with a fleece lining and a hood. “Think she’ll wear clothes what ain’t got them shiny beads on ‘em?”

“Walkin’, huh?” Zoe replied, smirk growing at his frown. “’Spect she will. Probably need some decent socks to go along with the boots,” she added, nodding him toward a pile of wool products. “Kaylee’s sure to be tickled, lending Inara her clothes. Be full of questions, too, I don’t wonder. Might even want to go along for a walk,” she teased, unable to resist ribbing him gently.

“God!” Mal jerked out, throwing two pairs of socks onto the pyramid. “How'd this get so complicated?” he growled as he looked over an assortment of blouses and tossed two knit shirts in the purchase jumble. "Fine. Now she won’t have to beg nothin'…” he stopped, a new thought coming to him. “Do you uh…,” he looked around to see where the shopkeeper was. “Do you think she needs some underthings? I mean, she didn’t have time to take anything…what do you suppose she’s been makin’ do with?”

Zoe grinned wryly at him. “Might be she just don’t wear ‘em,” she supplied, unable to suppress a laugh at the look on his face at that. Taking pity on him, she plucked out a few pairs of cotton panties and added them to the now considerably larger jumble. “Conjure that ought to do her, sir,” she said nodding. “Got the basics covered, at least,” she added with a smirk.

Mal looked down at the pile of clothing that had accumulated. “The basics?” he asked incredulously. “That’s ‘the basics'? That’d outfit half a company.” He gathered everything up and dumped it in Zoe’s arms, covering the panties up with a shirt before nodding toward the desk. “Let’s go ‘fore you remember something else she needs,” he said.

Zoe just chuckled and carried the clothes up to the shopkeeper, dropping the clothing and boots onto the counter next to their other sundries. She waited as the man behind the counter rang up their purchases, raising an eyebrow at the Captain as the total came up.

Mal counted through the cash in his pocket, noting Zoe’s look with a frown. Then, with a roll of his eyes, he grabbed the burlap bag of coffee she’d set down earlier and added it to the pile, shaking his head at her smile.

“Not a word,” he grumbled, hoisting the sack of goods over his shoulder and heading out as she followed, chuckling, grin wide.


	4. Brown Paper Packages

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mal delivers Inara her clothes, and some plans change.

By the time they reached the ship, Mal was pinching the bridge of his nose and wondering why he’d ever thought enlisting Zoe's help would be a good idea. She’d ribbed him mercilessly from the time they’d left town until he stepped up the ramp. Part of him was delighted that she’d smiled, that she’d stopped grieving for a few minutes, that she’d actually laughed back at the store, but the rest of him was hoping she’d soon find a new target for her mischief.

Ignoring her last teasing remark about the snow, Mal dropped the boots he was carrying, turned and handed her the paper package holding Inara’s clothing. “If you don’t mind droppin’ those off, I’ll head on up with the rest of the provisions. Might even put on a pot of that coffee we just had to have."

"Is that right?" Zoe said with a raised eyebrow, deftly catching the strap of the rucksack and sliding it off Mal's shoulder and onto her own before he could protest. She pushed the string-tied package back into his hands. "Seem to recall you being the one doin' the favor here, Captain," she said, smiling. "Conjure I'll have that coffee waitin' for you," she added over her shoulder as she started up the stairs for the mess. She threw one last look at him, then disappeared into the kitchen, shaking her head with a smirk.

“Zoe, so help me, you flash that possum grin at me one more time…,” Mal threatened loudly, glaring at her back until she was gone. He stood staring at the brown paper package he held, glancing between it and Inara’s shuttle. Hatch was closed. All he had to do was prop it agin the door. He had a plan. Easy peasy.

Easing quietly up the steps in what he told himself was a casual stride, he quietly placed the package against the wall by her door and quickly turned to leave, intending to be in his bunk long before Inara found her gift.

Naturally, Inara chose that moment to slide the hatch open, the paper package falling to the floor with a crinkling sound as she did so.

"Mal! I thought I heard you back," she called after him, stooping to pick up the rather large parcel. "What's this?" she asked him quizzically.

Mal froze then turned back. “It’s … some things. Clothes. For you to wear,” he muttered, his hands on his hips as he tried to look less nervous than he felt. "Since you uh…didn’t have time to gather anything up at the Training House. Figured you needed some boots and such,” he said, realizing as he spoke he’d left the footwear by the cargo door. “I’ll just grab those," he said, motioning sideways with his head as he scrambled down the metal steps.

"Wha—clothes…? You said gloves and boots!" she protested, stepping to the edge of the railing to watch him, concerned that he'd spent too much money on her.

He looked up from the cargo bay, her new boots in his hand. “Zoe,” he said, shaking his head in exasperation, making the one word say it all. “She figured you might need an everyday outfit. Grabbed you some socks, too. A shirt or two. Nothin’ we can’t afford,” he lied smoothly as he moved up the stairs.

"Mal," she admonished softly, knowing they didn't have any extra money, but also knowing how touchy he was on the subject. "I—" She shook her head, looking down. "You didn't have to do this," she said quietly, lifting her gaze to meet his earnestly.

"No,” Mal answered as he made his way back to the catwalk. “No, I know that. But…you bein’ pulled away from the Training House, that ruckus with the Operative, was brought on by us. Least we can do is outfit you with enough gear to get around in 'til you make up your mind ‘bout where you’re headed,” he said softly, smoothing a hand absently along the rail. “And it ain't fancy – not what you’re used to,” he rushed on, “but it oughta keep you warm and dry. 'Magine you can wear most of it,” he finished, placing the boots near her sandaled feet and straightening self-consciously.

 _"Bēi bǐ de xiōng shǒu_ , that wasn’t your fault," she refuted, shaking her head. She looked down at the package, curious now as to what exactly it contained. "I'm sure they'll be fine, Mal. Really, thank-you. I just wish that we were still going to be able to take that walk," she said regretfully.

 _"Shén me?_ Why wouldn't we?" Mal asked, a frown of puzzlement on his face.

"Haven't you talked to Kaylee?" she asked, surprised. She'd expected it to be the first thing he'd do once he got back and saw that the engines were cleared. "I thought you knew," she explained, "Kaylee managed to get the engines de-iced, with the help of a few of the more curious local boys," she said, smiling ruefully. "And with the storms they've been calling for, I assumed we'd be taking off as soon as possible... before..." she trailed off at the way his face fell. "I'm sorry," she said, touching his hand softly. "We can always go the next time we're planet side," she offered hopefully.

Mal gave a short sigh and leaned back against the rail, his expression returning to impassive. "Don't plan to touch dirt for a long while, Inara. Still don't know what or who might be out there after Simon and River. And things been done as can't be patched up overnight." He shugged and caught her eye, forcing a smile. "Was just nice havin' that quiet time...with you. But I like your way of thinkin'. Next planet we hit, we'll take that stroll." Mal glanced away from her as other concerns occurred to him. "Best get out there and check those engines. Never hurts to have a second pair of eyes when it comes to makin' sure ice is cleared," he said, backing slowly away. "Let you know when we're ready for take-off," he offered.

She nodded, frowning sadly as he retreated. She tightened her arms around the package, looking down as she realized she was still holding it. "Thank-you, again," she said, looking up and motioning with the bundle, sighing as he nodded and turned to go. "It _was_ nice," she called after him, forcing the words out with a hesitant smile.

Mal made it down the stairs and onto the cargo bay before spinning around and walking backwards as his smiling eyes found her on the catwalk. "It truly was," he agreed softly. "Ever had snow cream?" he called up to her, grinning as he backed toward the ramp.

"Snow cream?" she asked, moving to the railing, her smile growing at his grin as she shook her head. "What is it?"

"Could be I'll surprise you," he promised. "After we lift off," he called over his shoulder, his eagerness to get off the ground evident in his voice as he skipped down the ramp and disappeared around the ship.


	5. The Companion’s New Clothes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inara finally gets a chance to examine her new clothes.

Closing and securing the hatch, Inara turned and sagged against the door, releasing a sigh. She had been distracted all afternoon, her thoughts constantly straying to the simply-wrapped package that contained the clothes Mal had bought her, wondering what could be in it. Not to be unkind to Kaylee, but, it was a relief when their afternoon came to a close and the young woman finally left the shuttle.

Alone, at last.

She worried at her bottom lip, fingers, drumming against the cool metal of the hatch behind her, hesitating now, wondering why she was making such a big deal out of a few articles of clothing.

Of course, she knew perfectly well why, she chided herself. She'd been given countless gifts from clients in the past; gowns of the finest silk, jewels and innumerable other fineries, all given in the spirit of currying her favour or winning her affections but never simply because it was something she _needed_. Of course, she had never really needed for anything before....

But this was different. _He'd_ bought them for her, with money they could scarce spare - and, she knew, he would bear the brunt of any shortage that might arise as a result.

For her.

Not that he wouldn't do the same for any of them, but… she wasn't sure how she should feel about that. On the one hand, she couldn't help but be touched by his simple concern for her – not that his actions were completely selfless, she thought wryly – and yet, she _wasn't_ used to having needs for anything, or looking to anyone but herself. She didn't _need_ Mal to 'take care' of her, nor did she want him to. But, at the same time, she knew that he wasn't trying to usurp her independence; he'd simply seen that she had a need and provided for it.

The fact that she didn’t have the money to repay him bothered her, though he would most certainly be offended and hurt if she so much as offered. And she really could use some more appropriate clothing – any clothing, honestly…

Again, she came back to the thought that _he'd_ bought them for her, and she had to admit, that made them all the more treasured than any of the gifts her clients had ever given her.

So, what was she waiting for?

It was the intimacy of it, she thought, feeling her heart speed up. He'd never given her anything before, and this felt somehow more intimate than even the kiss – kisses, she corrected herself – they'd shared the night before.

But that was why she was still here, wasn't it? To explore this thing between them, this hold they had on one another; to become 'intimate'?

" _Nín yú chǔn_ ," she scolded herself, and pushed away from the door, striding purposefully to the chest where she'd hidden – placed, stored, whatever – the parcel when Kaylee had arrived.

Chest tightening in anticipation, she lifted the package out and placed it on her bed, fingers running over the loosely woven twine that bundled it together, the paper crinkling softly. Catching her bottom lip between her teeth again, she pulled the ends of the string and untied the bow, carefully peeling back the folded brown paper to reveal its contents.

The first thing she saw was a pair of black twill pants, and she smoothed her hand over the fabric, reminded by their heavy feel of the few times she'd worn riding pants, a smile beginning to curve her lips. She held them up appraisingly and found they were comparable to the sort of thing she'd seen Zoe wear often, serviceable but well cut.

Beneath them she found two knit tops, certainly of a heavier weave than her usual attire, one white and one a deep burgundy wine. They were both the same, aside from colour, long-sleeved with a few buttons at the collar. She set the white one with the pants and the other aside, a hand flying to cover her mouth at what she revealed next.

"Renci de Fozu," she gasped aloud, fighting not to laugh, the image of Mal buying women's under garments both amusing and mortifying. She could just imagine what Zoe must have said! Oh, Mal.

She set the panties aside, shaking her head ruefully and picked up a pair of leather gloves – brown she noted with a smile – and tried them on, flexing her fingers experimentally. She brought one hand up to her nose and inhaled deeply, filling her nostrils with the new-leather smell. She smiled. It made her think of Mal.

She placed the gloves on the pile, and then socks followed, heavy and made of wool, and last a brown corduroy jacket, fleece lined and hooded; it wasn't fancy, but it looked warm and comfortable, and she regretted again that they hadn't been able to stay for their walk.

She shook her head, taking in all the things he had purchased, knowing it must have cost him a significant amount of coin. She'd have to make it up to him. And, she thought, she could at least start by wearing them.

Admittedly excited, she quickly slipped her gown off and, biting back a laugh again, slid on a pair of the white cotton panties, turning to look at herself in the mirror critically. At least they were high cut, she mused, shrugging lightly. Sitting on the edge of her bed, she pulled on the socks, wincing at how thick and warm they were – the panties were one thing, but how was she going to get used to these, she lamented, her feet already feeling confined and hot, and she didn't even have the boots on!

She shook her head skeptically, but stood and pulled on the pants, tugging up the zipper and struggling a moment with the button, they fit so snugly. Looking over her shoulder at the mirror, she raised her eyebrows at how well the garment molded to her curves, impressed.

"Huh," she said, mildly surprised.

She took up the white shirt and pulled it over her head, taking a moment to free her hair, feeling surprise again at how soft it felt next to her skin, and comfortable. She smoothed her hands down the front of the shirt and contemplated whether or not she should tuck it in, but found she liked the casual look of it loose and so decided to leave it out.

Finally, she sat to put on the boots – brown leather again, she noted, and sturdy. The perfect sort of apparel for the day to day activities aboard ship and off; completely the opposite of the silken slippers and heeled shoes she was used to. With a shrug, she slid her foot inside, frowning in consternation as she had to pull on it quite forcefully before her heel slipped into place and she could zip it up, closing around her leg mid-calf. She repeated her actions with the second boot and then stood, stamping her feet experimentally, a curious smile curving her lips as she turned to survey the completed picture.

"All I need is the holster and pistol," she mused, hands on hips, not displeased with what she saw. The boots were going to take some getting used to, that was certain, but overall the clothes fit well and were fairly comfortable, if a little heavier than was her norm.

She gave herself a shake of her head and then drew in a steadying breath. "Well then," she said. Time to make her debut.


	6. A Measure of Healin'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snow Cream is made and Inara makes her debut.

“Easy. You wanna go light with that _xiāng căo jīng,_ ” Mal warned, his hands waving as he mimed the actions of the two girls in front of him. “Too much and it’s got a weird plant taste – aaaand you wanna measure that out somewheres else besides over the bowl,” he instructed calmly, reaching out to guide River’s hands from their place over the galvanized tub on the counter to the sink. “That way, you spill it, whole thing don't get ruined," he told her, returning her grin with a smile of his own. “Shiny," he commented as the younger girl measured the vanilla into a spoon and dropped it into the container. “Kaylee, that is too much sugar by far. Half that,” he ordered.

“But Cap’n!” she argued, “it won’t be sweet if we don’t add more’n that.”

“Be sweet aplenty with that vanilla in there and we got a long ways to run before we find a store again,” he cautioned her, tapping her on the nose to soften his words. “Milk. Who’s got the powdered milk?” he asked searching through the metal cupboard.

River and Kaylee glanced at each other and grinned as they continued stirring the concoction as Mal had ordered, as excited as children about this new treat.

Zoë sat watching them with a semi-smile, the sight of Mal teaching the two girls to make snow cream amusing. He glanced at her from time to time, trying to look put upon as he yelled in fake consternation but she could tell he was having more fun than the young’uns. It was good to see him laugh. The scene reminded her of happier times before Miranda. They'd needed something like this after the gloom of the past few weeks. Wash would have loved it, she thought with a bittersweet pang, would have been right in there stirring and tasting.

“’ppears if we’re to have somethin’ besides ice cream for supper I’m gonna be the one makin’ it,” she commented dryly, checking the clock. Jayne was off in his bunk, Simon was cleaning the infirmary – again – and Inara had been absent most of the afternoon. Itching for something to do to get her mind off Wash, she stood and began to gather the makings for a simple soup.

Kaylee glanced up and grinned as Zoë began tossing ingredients into the huge pot on the table. “Soup! That’s shiny, Zoë. I love soup when it’s cold out, even if we ain’t still where it’s cold out,” she noted. “I’ll make toast – think we got half a loaf of bread left.”

"Someone say soup?" asked Jayne, sniffing the air as he slipped into the kitchen, peering into the pot. "Hey, I got some jerky could add," he said, going to his food locker to fetch it.

Everyone in the kitchen - with the exception of River - glanced up in shock. “Is that Jayne?” Mal asked Zoë.

“Looks to be," she commented, “only Jayne don’t share food.”  
"Could eat it myself," Jayne warned, making a face as he tossed the jerky in the pot before sitting at the table.

River smiled. “Times change,” she added simply, sneaking a taste of the snow cream with one long finger.

“Hey! None o’ that!,” Mal scolded, still shaking his head over Jayne’s behavior. “Let’s get this stirred up and into the freezer ‘fore we got nothin’ but a bowl of milk,” he said, making a stirring motion with his index finger.

"Hey, issat gonna be ready for dessert?" the mercenary asked, looking over his shoulder at them.  
"Like as not – if we ever get it in there!" Mal added meaningfully, swatting Kaylee on the back of the head lightly as she took her own quick taste and grinned.  
"Well, the infirmary is back in some semblance of order," said Simon with a sigh as he entered from the opposite side of the galley. He spied River and Kaylee and made his way over to them, curiously.

"What are we doing here?" he asked, smiling at the two girls.

“Snow cream!” River answered, grinning from ear to ear.

Simon peered into the foot tub, a frown starting between his eyes. “Is it really sanitary to eat snow?” he asked no one in particular.

“Well, ya gotta scoop around the yellow parts,” Kaylee teased him with a grin and a wink, her smiled as big as River’s “It’s good Simon. Sweet. You’ll love it,” she assured him as she and River started toward the freezer with the tub.

Simon’s eyes followed her until he noticed Mal staring at him with raised eyebrows and cut his eyes away uncomfortably. Clearing his throat, he wandered over to Zoe's side. "Anything I can do to help?" he offered.

Zoë tossed him a small onion and pointed to the knife rack with her head. "Kaylee claims you're good with your hands," she said with a straight face but a twinkle in her eye. "Maybe you could dice that for me."

Simon flushed slightly, his eyes flicking back to Kaylee for a brief moment before he nodded and made his way to the knives, sidestepping around the Captain awkwardly when the man refused to move.

Mal smirked as Kaylee shot him a look, mouthing 'don't be mean' at him. He rolled his eyes good humouredly and held up his hands in acquiescence, moving aside so the doctor could pass again. Wasn't his fault the boy was so easy to rile…

The cheerful voices of the crew reached Inara's ears as she made her way up the stairs to the kitchen and she smiled at the sound, even as she marveled at the fact that she could actually hear anything over the heavy thunking of her boots on the gratings beneath her feet. No wonder she could always hear Mal coming, she thought, cringing at how loud her steps sounded.

She rounded the corner and paused at the top of the stairs, absorbing the scene in the mess below her with a smile.

"Holy ruttin' hell," Jayne swore suddenly, staring up at her, his mouth falling open in shock.

"Jayne! Look to that tongue," Mal admonished automatically, wiping down the counter with a damp cloth. He glanced over his shoulder absently, turning back to his cleaning before he froze, his mind taking a moment to register what his eyes had just seen. Placing the dishcloth down slowly, Mal turned to face the Companion, his mouth half open in stunned amazement.

Brushing by the Captain on her way to Simon’s side, Kaylee glanced up and gasped, both hands flying to cover her mouth as she spotted the new arrival.

“Inara! Look at you!” she squealed moving over to stand before the Companion. “Spin around! I wanna see the whole outfit. Where did you get those swai things? I love the pants! I don’t think I ever even seen you in nothin’ that wasn’t a skirt or dressy. You look so - wow!” Kaylee continued, Mal's slack-jawed appreciation catching her eye. “Don’t she look fine, Cap’n? “ she asked with a sly smile.

Mal closed his mouth, swallowing thickly. "She does indeed," he answered slowly, his eyes never leaving the Companion.

Inara felt herself flush at his compliment, smoothing her hand down her stomach, slightly self-conscious; she hadn't failed to notice the way his nostrils had flared and his throat had constricted at seeing her – tell tale signs that told her he liked what he saw – and she let a small pleased smile grace her lips as she returned his stare.

Then she pulled her gaze away and smiled brightly at Kaylee. "Thank-you, mei mei," she said, descending into the galley.

"She ain't wearin' a bra!" Jayne exclaimed in a stage whisper.

“Jayne, shut your mouth," Mal said sternly, taking a half-step toward the mercenary before River stood in his path suddenly, handing him the tin of powdered milk with a cautionary look.

Inara rolled her eyes, ignoring the mercenary. Her gaze flicked over to Mal again as he turned to put away the milk and, smiling, she made her way to the table, sitting next to Zoë as the first mate looked up with a grin and nodded favorably.

"Can I help?" she asked and Zoë nodded again.

"Roll up them sleeves," she said, smiling broadly as she made room for the Companion to work.

Tugging at her shirt cuffs awkwardly – and still ignoring Jayne, who had wisely made his staring less conspicuous – Inara gave Simon a rueful smile that he returned with complete understanding. "It gets easier," he said, and she laughed softly, shaking her head as she set to cutting.

Returning to his spot behind the counter, Mal watched his crew interact, a small smile lifting his lips as they laughed together.

"Memories," River said, slipping up onto the counter beside him suddenly.

"What's that, darlin'?" he asked, turning to her.

"Filling up the holes," she said, smiling enigmatically as she jumped down, dancing away to join everyone else at the table.

Mal chuffed softly as he watched her go, eyes lingering on his crew. Good memories, he acknowledged. Smiling as Inara looked up at him, he went and joined them.


	7. Snow Cream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mal and Inara share some snow cream.

The ship was quiet as Inara made her way up the steps to the galley, stepping softly so as not to make too much noise in her new boots. It was late, and most of the crew was abed by now, but she knew by their unspoken agreement at dinner earlier that he would be there, waiting for her. She smiled at the thought, a happy shiver of anticipation bubbling through her as she reached the crew deck; that they were doing this thing, taking their chance.

One hand sliding along the bulk head, she turned the corner and slowly stepped down the three stairs into the kitchen, her eyes seeking him out in the soft glow of the gaslights, smile widening as she found him leaning against the counter, watching her, his own lips curving, eyes twinkling in the half light.

Mal let out a slow breath, his pulse quickening as he looked at her. Her skin fairly glowed in the flickering light, surrounded by the soft, curling wisps of her hair; and the clothes… the way her shirt curved with her, and the pants… the boots… The sight of her nearly stole his breath away.

“Wondered when you’d be along,” he said finally, his voice soft and rumbling in his chest in a way that made her warm and tingly and she smiled. She’d made him wait, just a little while; just enough to make her impending arrival all the more sweetened by anticipation. And decorum dictated that she not seem too eager; even if she was.

She crossed the room to him slowly, drinking him in as he straightened up, uncrossed his arms. He’d changed shirts from earlier, she noticed, the soft grey moleskin now instead of the blue cotton, and he’d forgone the suspenders. His hair even seemed freshly washed and dried, its soft, downy look calling to her fingers as it always did. She tightened her hands into fists, resisting the temptation.

Mal watched her, his brow rising in puzzled surprise as he noticed the movement, wondering what she was keeping herself from doing – or touching. “You ain’t gonna hit me, are you?” he asked curiously, reaching out to catch one of her hands with his, a grin quirking his lips.

She arched an eyebrow at him, uncurling her fist to lay her palm in his. “Should I?” she asked teasingly and he squeezed her hand, shaking his head.

“Might put a damper on the rest of the evening,” he said with a wink, squeezing her hand once more before he released it and reached over to open the freezer. “Made you a promise before,” he said, motioning with the dish be brought out, holding it between them so she could see.

She stepped closer, bringing her hands up to cup both his and the bowl. “Snow cream?” she guessed at the soft, creamy confection.

“Reynolds family specialty,” he said with a nod, hand tingling at the contrast between the heat of her hands and the chill from the bowl. Smiling broadly, he produced a spoon from behind him and stuck it into the cream. “Best to eat it while it’s cold, ‘fore it melts,” he added, eyes twinkling again.

She looked up at him for a moment, something tightening inside her at the thought of him sharing something like this with her. Holding his gaze, a soft smile played about her lips, gradually growing to match his before she flushed inexplicably and pulled her eyes away. Shaking her head at herself with a laugh, she turned for the table, pausing as he caught her arm gently and motioned with the bowl toward the lounge that sat off to the side of the kitchen.

“Might be more comfortable in there,” he suggested, and she nodded, allowing him to guide her to the room, the feeling of his hand on her arm unexpected and warm.

She sat on the wider grey chair – the one without arms, wide enough for two – and pulled him back as he started for the chair next to her, not releasing her grip until he relented with a self-conscious smile and sat down beside her.

"You really made this with snow?" she asked him as he passed her the bowl, one eyebrow raised though she knew full well how the first ice cream was created much the same way thousands of years ago in China, back on Earth-that-Was.

"Well, was Kaylee and River done the work," he nodded, shifting so his elbow came to rest on the back of the chair – not exactly putting him arm around her, but giving them a little more room while bringing them closer together at the same time. "So if it tastes bad," he continued, "then I fully intend to blame the two of them"

"So, you're saying the Captain will go down with his ship, but not with his snow cream?" she said, smirking up at him coyly, laughing softly as his eyes widened at the possible double entendre.

"Eat your snow cream," he admonished, ignoring her comment with a rueful grin, "'s startin' to melt."

Grinning widely, she scooped up a spoonful of the frozen treat and brought it to her mouth, eyes half closing as she smiled around the spoon and made a hum of approval before pulling it out from between her lips. "It's good," she said, turning to look at him, impressed.

Mal could only swallow and nod, fighting to control the sudden raggedness of his breathing. It weren't the first time desire for her had hit him like a well-aimed fist to the gut, but he wasn't usually in such close proximity to her when it did, nor was it usually something he let himself feel more than he had to. But this was different; the coy look she shot him as she sucked that spoon into her mouth again told him she more than knew what she was doin' to him. It still scared the beejeezus out of him, just the same. Then she smiled up at him from under her half-lidded eyes and that fist hit him again.

"You, uh…," he started roughly, quiet, coughing to clear his throat. "Clothes look fine," he said, his eyes trapped by hers, and he felt like he was falling into them, unable to look away.

Inara smiled a happy, almost self-conscious smile at the compliment, turning her gaze down to her outfit. "I like them," she said, tugging on the hem of her shirt, hand smoothing over her thigh.

Mal blinked, the heavy spell suddenly broken, and he found he could breathe again. "Yeah?" he asked her, grinning faintly.

"My feet are hot," she complained lightly, "and the boots are stiff, but everything fits well." She cast a sidelong glance at him. "I had no idea you were such a connoisseur of women's under garments," she teased.

"Well I just… I th—Zoe thought—" he stammered, feeling a flush creep up his neck as he recalled just what Zoe had suggested. "Boots'll loosen up," he said with a cough, moving away from the subject of her under-things as fast as he could. "Just need to work 'em in some."

She nodded, biting back her grin, going easy on him. "I'll try to wear them everyday," she promised, smiling warmly. "It...," she trailed off, growing more serious suddenly. "I appreciate it – the clothes – very much," she said softly.

Mal nodded, scratching behind his ear uncomfortably. "Well, they… you look…" he let out a huff of air, feeling that flush make its way past his ears. "Cream's meltin'," he pointed out, swallowing thickly.

Inara turned back to her snow cream with a smile, feeling a flutter in her stomach at his unspoken approval of her new look, laughing at herself inwardly. She'd dressed to please men a hundred, a thousand, times before, but it seemed a lot more important that he liked the way she looked in this outfit; she wanted him to like it. She wanted him to more than like it.

Mal watched as she ate another spoonful and licked her lips appreciatively, shaking his head at himself. You are in so much trouble, he told himself, knowing he wasn’t going to be able to take watching her like this for much longer. "This really is good, Mal," she said, smiling that seductive smile that sucked all the air from his lungs at him again, and all he could think of was the glide of her lips over the curve of the spoon and how soft they were when she'd kissed him the night before and how much he wanted to taste them again. And all the while she smiled that knowing smile at him, driving him crazy with wanting her.

Taking up another spoonful of the snow cream, she suddenly turned to him, bringing her legs up under her, rising up on her knees slightly to match his height. "You'd better help me with this," she said, lifting the spoon towards his mouth, her hand cupped beneath it to catch any that might drip.

Mouth dry, he shook his head, catching her wrist. "I already had plenty—" he started, feeling his insides melt to about the consistency of the cream at the soft way her eyes looked at him.

"Share it with me," she whispered and he knew he was done for; not that he really wanted to win in this particular case.

"You're using wiles on me," he accused good-humouredly and she grinned at getting caught.

"Maybe a little," she acknowledged, leaning closer, offering the spoon again as his hold on her wrist slackened. "Are you complaining?" she asked softly, brushing the spoon over his mouth.

He shook his head, lips parting as he let out a breath and opened for the spoon, thinking as she fed it to him that snow cream had been one of his better ideas. Then she was leaning forward, her lips covering his suddenly and he surged up to meet her, groaning as her tongue curled around his.

Inara hummed into his mouth, chasing the last, melting drops of the snow cream before pulling back with a smile, looking very pleased with herself.

Mal licked his lips, lifting his eyes slowly to look at her with a rueful grin as he opened his mouth for seconds.

Biting her cheeks against a laugh, she filled the spoon and brought it to his lips again. "You said this was a family specialty? You made this when you were young?" she asked softly as he sucked the spoon clean, this time meeting her half way as she leaned in, the kiss lasting longer than the first one.

Mal nodded as they parted slowly, gaze half-lidded. "Every second snow-fall of the year," he almost whispered, their heads bent close together as Inara spooned up more cream.

"Every second snow-fall?" she questioned, voice fading in a sigh as he nuzzled into her hair gently.

"Better snow," he murmured, his breathe hot over her neck and ear. She closed her eyes at the sensation, head tilting into his ghosting touch, a shiver running through her.

"Better… how?" she breathed as she offered the spoon again, a soft sound slipping from her this time as their lips met. Oh, he was good at this, she thought happily. The idea of kissing him again had been in the back of her mind all day and she was pleased to find he was just as adept this time as he had been last night. Maybe even more so, she thought as he deepened their kiss.

Mal lost himself in her; tasting, touching, smelling. He shifted towards her more, frustrated by the limitations of their chair, thoughts evaporating as her tongue glided along his, hot and slick and he moaned, feeling a swell of desire for her so strong and sudden he had to break the kiss, his hands going to her forearms to hold her apart from him as he drew in a ragged breath.

Inara made a moue of protest as he pulled away, her own breaths coming quick and heavy, but she understood. The slower path, she reminded herself, recalling their mostly silent understanding that they would take this thing between them slowly; not jump into anything – like sex – too quickly. Closing her eyes she let out a slow breath and sat back.

"Why is it… better?" she panted, attempting to distract him.

"Wh-huh?" he asked, his eyes glazed in confused arousal.

"The snow," she clarified, regaining her composure somewhat. "You said the… the second snow-fall was better… Why?"

"I don't—" He shook his head. "Was jus' always… what we said; second snow-fall was clean an' fresh… Tasted better." He shrugged, heart still pounding, and seemingly without conscious thought, he let go of her arms and brought his hands up to cradle her face between them, drawing her mouth to his with a surrendering shake of his head, both of them sighing as they sank back into the kiss.

As with last night, Inara found herself near helpless to resist the lure of his lips, knowing they should stop if they were going to keep this slow, but no more able to than he was. She had denied this for so long, forbidden herself even to think about it; now that it was unleashed, controlling it seemed almost beyond her.

His hands held her gently, big and warm and tender and it made her chest tighten, emotion squeezing her heart even as her pulse raced with excitement and passion; a heady combination of feelings, so unlike any of what she experienced with her clients…

…Her hair was like silk, Mal thought, his fingers tangling in her curls, so soft. Everything about her was soft right now, her hair, her lips, her skin, the tiny noises she made in her throat, her touches, soft, soft, soft… and so much more than he ever expected.

He'd wanted her for what seemed like forever. Pretended he didn't. To her. To himself. Hid it behind his derision of her career; called her a whore, pushed her away. Treated harshly with himself for his weakness; took it out on her.

And so he always wanted, but never expected, to be here. With _her_. _With_ her.

And that she _was_ here - again - made it more than a fluke, didn't it? Made it _real_? _Tianna_ , he wanted it to be real.

She made that tiny little sound in her throat again, one he was rapidly becoming fond of hearing, and he answered with a groan of his own, his hands slipping down around her back, pulling her closer to him insistently until she tensed suddenly, her hands clenching on his arms as she pulled away.

"Inar—?" Mal started, his heart thudding painfully in his chest, a worried frown creasing his brow, but she pressed her fingers to his mouth quickly, silencing his question as the noise she'd heard came again – the unmistakable muffled sound of hushed laughter and whispers.

"Kaylee—" Mal said against her fingers, eyes widening.

"And Simon," she nodded, regretfully, pressing her forehead to his.

The giggles came again, closer this time, the whispers forming distinct words as the doctor and mechanic made their way up from the engine room.

"—careful!" hissed Kaylee around a smothered laugh that turned to an all out snort as Simon said something in a low voice that obviously tickled the young woman. "Just wait till we get back to the engine room an'—OH!" she gasped in surprise as she and Simon stumbled into the galley - garbed only in what appeared to be Kaylee's bed sheet – and saw Mal and Inara sitting in the lounge.

"You two're makin' enough noise to wake the whole—what in _di yu?_ " Mal sputtered, turning on the stool he was now sitting on to take in the two of them and their improvised clothing, whirling back quickly to keep from seeing too much. "Is there somethin' wrong with your clothes?"

"Well, they was all over the engine room, an' I thought it would take too long to gather 'em up an'—"

Mal held up a hand, silencing Kaylee's explanation. "That's… more'n I need to know, Kaylee," he said, pained.

Inara bit back a smirk, at both Mal's reaction and Simon's, the latter of whom had gone about as pale as Kaylee's sheet, mouth hanging open in abject horror.

"You said no one would be here," the doctor groaned, trying to slip behind the mechanic, urging her back the way they came.

Kaylee merely giggled, taking hold of Simon's hand more firmly as she smirked slyly at Mal and Inara. "Say, we ain't interruptin' nothin' here, are we?" she asked, taking note of Inara's smile.

"What're you doin' up here this time a' night anyhow?" Mal asked, ignoring the question, his gaze still firmly averted.

"Could ask you the same question," Kaylee teased, grinning.

"Kaylee," Mal growled and the girl rolled her eyes.

"Jus' came up for some more snow cream, Cap'n," she said innocently, exchanging grins with Inara.

"Well," said the Companion, standing, "we were just leaving, weren't we Mal?" she added, stepping to his side.

He stared up at her, about to protest until he saw the small smile and raised eyebrow she aimed at him. "Uh, right, yeah," he agreed, standing hastily.

"Enjoy your snow cream, mei mei. Simon," Inara said, smiling warmly at the pair as she walked past them, Mal following, his face averted.

"Good night, you two," Kaylee chuckled cheerfully, her giggles echoing after them as Captain and Companion made their way from the galley.

"Am' I gonna end up havin' to throw my doc out the airlock?" Mal asked Inara as they made their way toward her shuttle slowly.

Inara smiled. "I think it's wonderful Simon's finally allowed himself to be with Kaylee," she said.  
  
"Might loosen him up some," Mal agreed. "Don't mean I'm about to let him off easy though."

Inara rolled her eyes, amused. "You ride him too hard sometimes, Mal," she chastised, but she was smiling.

Mal grinned back. "Man's got to find his fun where he can get it, Inara," he said, winking.

"Well," she said, turning to face him as they reached the hatch to her shuttle. "We'll just have to find something else that's fun for you to do," she added, deliberately coy.

He bit back a smile. "Got some ideas, do you?" he asked, moving into her space, slipping her hands into his.

"Perhaps," she whispered as he drew closer.

"Well then…" he mumbled, eyes half closing as their lips barely brushed, breaths mingling warmly, smiling as Inara smiled.

"Good night, Mal," she whispered with the barest hint of a kiss, stepping back slowly, holding his hands until they were stretched between them before finally letting go.

Mal drew in a deep breath, letting it out heavily with a rueful chuckle as he backed away. "Good night, Inara."


	8. Staying One Day Ahead of Yesterday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mal and Zoe prepare to meet a contact, and Inara gains a new position, much to Jaynes chagrin.

"We got comms?” Mal asked Zoe as they made their way from the bridge to the galley, both dressed to travel, checking sidearms and gear as they walked side by side down the corridor.

"We got 'em," she replied, buckling her gun belt. "Shuttle's prepped and ready," she added, though she knew he already knew that. It was part of their pre-job check, one they made before any work they took, and it was as comfortable and as regular as a ritual.

“Got the med kit,” he said, nodding in the direction of the duffle he carried, “and we’ll carry rations for five days. Ought’n to take more’n than a day or two to suss these fellas out – see what’s what down there worth doin’,” he said, his mind already on the meet.

"Ain't likely to receive a warm welcome, they learn who we were," Zoe pointed out.

“Just need time to get to know us is all,” he commented drolly. “Your sense of humor and my pretty face – that’ll go a long way towards openin’ some doors – Maps,” Mal cut himself off abruptly, a question in his voice as he stopped suddenly, dropping his duffle to pat the pockets of his jacket and jeans. “Did you--?” he began, looking at Zoe.

She held up the maps, her eyebrow cocked as if to say 'didn't she always?' before she stuffed them back into her pack.

Normally she let the Captain's assurances chase away most of her reservations about a job or a contact, but not this time. Verbena was near as hostile to Browncoats as a Core world these days, and she worried that he was taking the warnings too lightly.

At least he'd agreed to forego his usual attire – the remnants of a uniform that fairly shouted what he was for any with eyes to see it – in favour of a less conspicuous outfit of muted denims. He wasn't stupid, thankfully. Stubborn, she'd be the first to admit, but not stupid.

Still, Zoe knew there wasn't much point in dwelling or complaining. She'd made her concerns known, and he'd taken them in stride, much as she'd expected him to. They were still going down; they had to.

Supplies were tight – tighter than he'd been letting on to the rest of the crew – and without some work they were headed for an unfavourable situation, and soon, if they didn't find something on the planet.

"Rifles?" she asked, her preference for taking them stated clearly in her tone. If they needed to hole up in the shuttle, they'd need more than their sidearms…

"Stowed. 'Long with some emergency ammo, but we ain't carryin'," he clarified as he picked up his bag and continued down the corrideor. "Don't wanna draw any undue attention. Saloon on the far end of town at 3:00. Figure we got plenty of time to get there. Have a drink. See if we can pick up on any other action might be about."

Touching her elbow to stop her, Mal turned to meet her questioning glance.

"Know you don't have a good feelin', Zoe," he said in a lowered voice, his face close to hers,"but I don't gotta tell you we're closer to the edge o' desperate than we been since me and you first started. Break don't come soon - we're gonna have to ground her someplace. That don't bode well for keepin' this crew together."

Zoe met his stare and nodded. She knew it. Knew too that the one thing that frightened him more'n most was the idea of Serenity grounded, with no prospects to speak of. "It's tight," she acknowledged, "but we'll get through." One way or another, she thought.

Mal nodded, her support encouraging him. "Always do," he said with a brief smile, hoping he sounded more confident than he felt.

They entered the galley, and Zoe split off to gather the rations as Mal nodded at the sleepy crewmembers gathered around the breakfast table. His eyes lingered on Inara for a moment before he made his way to the stove to make two cups of tea and ladle out two servings of coldish oatmeal.

Inara's eyes followed Mal, the memory of the night before fresh in her mind as she wondered when she would next see him alone, her thoughts interrupted as Jayne launched into an annoyed tirade.

"So, what's so ruttin' important we all had to be up fore' the ass-end of mornin'?" the mercenary groused, downing his coffee in one large gulp.

Mal stirred a spoon of molasses into his porridge before looking up. “Got word of some work late last night,” he answered slowly, his glance sliding over Simon, then meeting River and Kaylee’s sleepy eyes. “Wave came in from Verbena. Ain’t but a shuttle ride away and as you probably know, it’s a hot spot right now. Not a good place to dock. Me’n Zoe’s gonna go down, take a peek 'round, meet up with a fella that might have a job we'll be able to do. Could use some eyes in this quadrant too, keep us appraised of payin’ jobs and Fed activity.”

'You're leavin'?" Kaylee asked, her eyes opening wider as she sat up, looking between Mal and Zoe worriedly.

“Won’t be but a couple a days,” Zoe answered her with a reassuring smile as she tucked their provisions into a foil bag and sealed it shut before taking up her bowl of cooling oatmeal.

"Is it safe?" asked Simon, concerned. "I mean, if it's a - a hot spot like you say?"

Mal responded to Simon with a significant look in Kaylee’s direction. “It’ll be fine, Doc. Civil unrest, nothin’ more. We’ll be in and out before they know we’re there,” he answered and gave Kaylee a cheerful smile. “Don’t want to draw a lot of attention by landin’. Jayne’ll provide security here,” he added, taking a sip of scalding tea before dropping his bombshell. "And Inara’ll be in charge while we're gone.”

"What?!" exclaimed Jayne, sitting up with a start as Inara's equally shocked 'What?!' followed.

"Why the hell is she in charge? She ain't even crew!" Jayne protested, rising to his feet.

Mal turned a steely but unperturbed glance to the large mercenary. “Two reasons, Jayne. One – because I said so, and two - because I said so.

Now, the rest of you all got work what needs doin'. Kaylee, you been after me for a month to have some time to do your tinkerin’ – now’s your chance. Don’t take anything apart that we’ll need to move if we have to, but you can play with upgradin’ the nav console."

Kaylee's expression lighted at the prospect of getting to play with engine and she grinned. "Shiny, Cap'n," she said, taking Simon's hand in hers. "Wanna help?" she asked him, whispering something in his ear that had the young doctor blushing.

"River, we need to know about every rock in this system," Mal went on, studiously ignoring the pair, "especially if it’s big enough to hide behind, so see if you can pull us up some current charts and look ‘em over,” he instructed.

"Aye, aye, Captain," said River, feigning a salute as she hopped up and skipped off to the bridge cheerfully.

Inara looked across at Mal, her eyes meeting his, clearly wanting a moment alone with him, but the mercenary interrupted again.

"C'mon Mal, after Zoe I'm next in command," Jayne pressed. "No offence to I-nara," he said, turning to give a nod in her direction, "but she ain't exactly experienced."

Holding Inara’s gaze, Mal allowed himself a small smile before turning to the angry man. “Jayne, remember that rule how you're never in charge? Well, until further notice that's still our policy. ‘Sides, you might be surprised at what experience she has - for leadership," he said with a hard stare as Jayne cut a mean look at Inara. “I need your focus to be on keepin’ everyone safe,” he said firmly. “Can’t be security conscious if you’ve got to see to the day to day tasks of runnin’ the ship. Need to know that I can count on you.”

Jayne sat with a dis-satisfied grunt, muttering under his breath.

“Jayne?” Mal challenged, unimpressed by the other man’s theatrics. “Can I count on you?”

The mercenary frowned, scowling, but then he let out a breath, shrugged suddenly and seemed to throw off his anger. "Yeah," he said, looking across at Inara and nodding. "Yeah. 'Can do that."

"Good," Mal answered with a smile, his eyes moving back to catch Inara's gaze, "Leavin' things that are precious to me - want 'em here when I get back," he said softly, “same as I left ‘em.”

Jayne nodded again, knowing he _was_ the best man for the job and not unaware of what Mal was entrusting him with.

"Mal?" Inara said softly, rising gracefully and angling her head toward the crew deck.

He turned to Zoe who shared a smile with Inara over his shoulder. She waved him off with her spoon. “Best be brief sayin’ your goodbyes, Sir, if you want to make land by daybreak,” she said before digging back into her breakfast.

Mal hesitated, then gathered his gear and followed as Inara led him down the front steps to the landing, glancing over his shoulder to make sure they were alone.

Inara echoed Mal's glance then turned back to him, stepping closer. "I'm not sure if I should be flattered or suspicious," she said, smiling slightly. "I must admit I'm surprised."

"You're the logical choice," he said, as if it were obvious. "Need someone smart with a good head on their shoulders, an' that rules out Jayne on both counts," he added, grinning.

She answered with a quick smile, reaching for his hand. "...How long do you think you'll be?" she asked finally, her eyes fixed on their entwined fingers.

He followed her gaze, absently noting the difference in the dark roughness of his hand in comparison to the soft, smooth skin of her smaller one. “Don't really know,” he answered her, brushing his thumb over her knuckles. “Could be a day or two – might be longer. You just watch over everyone – wave me if you have any troubles. You know the routine with Jayne,” he said, a smile in his eyes.

She smiled, turning her gaze up to his. "We'll be fine," she said. "Lonely," she added with a wry tilt of her head, "but fine." She hesitated a moment, moving slighlty closer. "Will you be safe down there, Mal? Verbena's not exactly the most friendly planet when it comes to former Independents," she said, frowning slightly.

Gently tugging on her hands, Mal pulled her close enough to press a short kiss to her forehead. “Long as we don’t go in wearing our coats and flashin’ hardware around we’ll be fine,” he teased lightly. “And if I can keep my head on the job and not on you,” he said, he voice deepening with desire. “Lonely ain’t the half of what I’ll be feelin’,” he told her as he touched another kiss to her temple.

Inara leaned into the press of his lips, sighing. "Trust me, I know what you mean," she said softly, tilting her head so she could place her own kiss against his jaw. "Promise me you'll be careful," she whispered, not fooled by his lie.

“Ain’t but a milk run,” he murmured as he slid his hand around to cup her head and bring her mouth to his, sighing as he finally kissed her. “You taste sweet,” he whispered against her lips, “sleepy and warm.”

Inara smiled softly, brushing her mouth against his. "I didn't sleep much last night," she acknowledged, eyes closing as she slid her hands up his chest, sighing contentedly.

Mal slid his free hand down her side, slipping it around to the small of her back to gently ease her body into his. He sighed at her words, images of what they could have been doing into the long, dark hours of a sleepless night flashing through his head.

“Seems to be a lot o’that goin’ ‘round,” he whispered as he kissed his way to her ear, gently nipping the soft flesh.

Her breath caught, a shiver racing through her at the touch of his lips to her ear, desire flaring inside her as he bit. She let out a frustrated groan, fingers curling against his chest, clutching his shirt tightly as she tilted her head for him. Merciful Buddha, why did he have to leave now?

"I wish..." she started breathlessly, but trailed off, shaking her head slightly. There was no point. They needed the work, and he had to go, and she didn't want to make it any harder than it was already going to be.

“Wish what?” he asked as he took advantage of the proffered skin of her neck, inhaling her scent even as he kissed his way down to her shoulder, cursing the fact that he had to leave in minutes when all he wanted to do was gather her up and carry her to his bunk. “If you don’t tell me, I’ll be wonderin' all day,” he teased.

She inhaled sharply, a soft sound of pleasure escaping her as he kissed the sensitive skin where neck met shoulder, shivering again.

She shook her head. "I wish you didn't have to do this today," she answered, pulling herself against him tightly as she slipped her arms around him, one hand trailing up to tangle in his hair.

Mal groaned, stilling against her. With a reluctant sigh, he slid his arms around her waist as he rested his forehead against hers, shivering when she lightly ran her fingers over his scalp. “Wish I didn’t have to do it ever, darlin’,” he whispered, “but it’s got to be done. Longer it gets put off, longer I’ll be gone,” he said, but made no effort to pull away.

She drew in a slow breath, feeling her chest constrict at his endearment. "I know," she replied, nodding. She knew it was necessary, knew just how precarious things would become if the crew didn't get work soon.

“Why not today?” he asked, suddenly curious about her cryptic remark.

"I'm afraid I'm feeling rather selfish," she admitted quietly, opening her eyes to stare into his. "I don't want to have to wait a week before I can see you again."

Mal paused, about to answer when he heard Zoe's footsteps approach, thudding just a little harder than necessary. He smiled at that even as he squeezed Inara and stole a kiss. "Think I'm bein' hailed," he said. "Keep your eyes open," he ordered, kissing her again. "Wave if you need me but not unless," he added, taking one more. "And don't let Jayne take advantage." He sighed as he studied her face. "Gotta go."

She echoed his sigh but smiled, reaching up to smooth her fingers over his cheek softly. "The last thing I will ever do is let Jayne take advantage," she said, teasing and reassuring him all at once. "Mal, promise me you'll be careful," she whispered, her face turning serious, gaze never leaving his as she traced the edge of his jaw.

"He promises," Zoe answered from the corridor. "Burnin' daylight, sir," she said with a touch of irony in her voice, throwing his own words back at him.

"What she said," Mal told Inara. Pulling reluctantly, but resolutely away, he grabbed his duffle and turned, following Zoe to the shuttle.


	9. While The Cat's Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaylee and Inara have a little girl talk.

“’Nara?” Kaylee asked, standing between the galley and the common room. “You busy?”

Inara smiled and set down her tea cup. "Not at all," she called, waving the younger girl in. "Come in. Would you like some tea?"

“Well, sure,” she said with a bright smile, moving in to the familiar space. “Left Simon sleepin’. He won’t be wakin’ anytime soon so I got the time,” she added with a conspiratorial grin.

"Ah, I see," Inara smiled, pouring a cup for the mechanic. "All the 'help' in the engine room must have worn him out I guess?" she asked facetiously.

Kaylee snickered. “Somethin’ like that. He’s the sweetest thing, though,” she sighed dramatically. Plopping down on the sofa she glanced at Inara out of the corner of her eye. “Like the Cap’n, once you get past that tough face he puts on – just a big ol’ softie.”

Inara raised an eyebrow, containing her smile. "Oh, I'm not so sure about that," she said, handing Kaylee her tea. "But he does have his moments," she added.

“Ooh, _xie xie,_ ” she added, putting on her best manners with Inara, watching carefully to see how the Companion held her cup and carefully imitating her. “You’re such a lady, Inara,” she sighed admiringly. “But anyways, we was discussin’ you and the Cap’n and your…,”she glanced around at the common area, “courtin’,” she added with a grin.

Inara chuckled and tucked her feet up under her, turning to face Kaylee more fully. "Is that what we were discussing?" she asked, smirking behind her cup as she took a sip, her eyes laughing.

“It’s what I been dyin’ to talk about ever since you two started holdin’ hands and makin’ calf eyes at each other – not that you ain't been doin' that forever but now you're ownin' up to it,” she added just to be clear. “So you gonna tell me?” she begged sweetly, politely sipping at her tea.

"Holding hands? Are you sure you're not thinking about another Companion?" she teased. She shook her head and laughed. "Really, there's not much to tell."

Kaylee sipped her tea again, all innocence. “Well, you say so … course… that ain’t the way Jayne’s tellin’ it…,” she trailed off with an evil little smile.”And me and Simon may be blinded by desire our own selves, but we ain’t stupid,” she added for good measure.

"Jayne?" Inara exclaimed. "What has Jayne seen?" she sputtered.

Kaylee grinned into her cup. “Oh, don’t’ pay him no mind. It’s not like I believe every little ole thing he says bout you and the Cap’n and you outside his bunk, givin’ him back his clothes…,” she said. “It’s like I was tellin’ Simon after we caught you… I mean after we ran into you two in here the other night,” she smiled. “I nearly died I was so tickled. I swear, ‘Nara, Cap’n was so _swai_ all flustered like that, tryin’ to look like nothin’ had happened - all natural-like – cept for his hair mussed up and his mouth lookin’ like he’d been kissed...” She stopped to sigh. “Do hate we broke you two apart. If we’d been just five minutes later you mighta been in his bunk settlin’ this once and for all.”

Inara coughed, nearly spilling her tea, and she set the cup down, feeling a blush work its way up her neck and face. "I don't think it would have gone that far!" she said, shaking her head before she paused and considered. "Then again..." She bit her lip, a smile spreading amidst her blush.

"We haven't yet," she said, hushed and excited. "But..." She grinned and drew in a deep breath.

“But you’re yearnin’ for him?” Kaylee asked.

Inara let her breath out slowly. "Oh, Kaylee," she said softly, "since almost the day I met him."

Kaylee gave a dreamy sigh, smiling happily. “I know it. It’s been the same for him, too. You gotta know that. I hadn’t ever seen nothin' fluster him ‘til you come on board. The longin’ he’s had,” she finished softly. “I hope you two can finally be happy, _jei jei_ ,” she wished aloud.

Inara swallowed, her smile slipping from her face. "I know," she said softly. "But it's been...complicated." She stared down at her tea, lost in thought a moment. "The slower path," she said to herself before she looked back up and smiled, trying to banish her doubts. "We're trying," she said.

Kaylee grew serious as well. She sipped her tea, looking for the right words. “Cap'n's a hard man. I know he can be mean at times; actin’ like he don’t care ‘bout nothin’, but that just ain’t true…” she trailed off. “When you left…well, I thought he was gonna run us all off he got so low. We begged him to come to you but - like you said – complicated and all. I’m just sayin’…I don’t wanna see him like that again. Bad as it all seems I just know you can work it out if you both give a little bit. Don’t reckon that I’ve ever met a man who holds to his convictions the way he does. You let him go – ‘fraid you’ll always regret it.”

Inara sighed, closing her eyes. She'd suspected some of what Kaylee had said - Mal had been so angry and far away when she'd come back to Serenity. And the girl was right, Mal had always held to his convictions, but that was part of their problems. The question of her status as Companion hadn't come up yet - they were both avoiding the topic - but she knew he would never accept her if she continued to take on clients.

And, as right as she was about Mal's convictions, Kaylee was just as astute in her assessment of Inara. That was why she was here, after all, to give their relationship a chance; any other course and she would regret it, for the rest of her life.

"I don't want to let him go, Kaylee," she said quietly after a long moment, lifting her eyes to meet the girls gaze. "But there are a lot of things that we'll have to work through. We're ignoring them for now, but eventually...we will have to talk about them."

The younger girl shook her head with a sad smile. “You may have to bend a lot, ‘Nara. He’s been set in his ways so long. But when we come so close to dyin’ out there - said to myself that I’d never take another day for granted after all that happened. Zoe losin’ Wash. Shepherd Book dyin'. Life’s short everywhere, but it sure seems that it’s a lot shorter out here than most places. You think on that when that talk happens. How glad you was to see him walk towards you on Miranda.” Kaylee looked down into her cup as if she could see the whole scene again, the injured and the dead. Shaking her head, she forced a bright smile. “Now that’s enough o’ that sad stuff. What I wanna know is how’s the kissin’?” she asked outrageously.

There was nothing Kaylee'd said that she hadn't thought of before. She knew that most of the compromise would end up coming from her. And she no more wanted to have this conversation with Kaylee than she did with Mal, so she was more than happy to let the girl distract her.  
She smiled and let herself revisit the feel of Mal's lips on hers.

"The kissing is fine," she said demurly. "He's... adept." She grinned.

Kaylee placed her cup on the table and flopped back on the worn sofa, sighing dramatically. “Figured,” she said with a knowing smile. “First time I saw him, I knew that man would be a good kisser. Not that I - there’s never been nothin’ like that with us,” she assured the Companion, then added with a grin,“not that I would have said no, mind you. Not in the beginnin’ anyways. Those first weeks learnin’ Serenity’s ways, well I’d a welcomed him into my bunk sure as anythin’ then. But it weren't too long for he started seemin’ more like a brother than somebody to keep my feet warm at night,” she laughed,"or my daddy. Always checkin' out what boys I could find and then scarin’ ‘em away.” Grabbing a pillow from the floor, Kaylee pulled it to her stomach and stetched her legs out. “Way I figure it, he’ll come back from this trip so ready for you that he’ll walk over anybody as gets in his way,” she grinned. “Bein’ gone after he’s had some lovin’- that’s gonna work on him,” she teased her friend.

Inara smiled a secret smile. "I miss him, already," she admitted. "I'm surprised how much, really. Since Miranda, well..." she trailed off, thinking again. She shook her head and smiled. "I wouldn't be surprised if it happened soon," she confided.

“Aw, I’m so happy for you. Best be thinkin’ of places, though” she thought out loud. “Serenity’s big til you try to have some privacy." Kaylee paused, thinking. “Should we move one of the beds from the passenger dorm into your shuttle? Get you set up homier? I know you been sleepin' in there for a while but it don't seem the same without your shuttle all fixed up." She looked at Inara consideringly, "We could use some of this down time to fix it up. While the Cap’n ain't here to grumble and grouse 'bout us wastin' valuable time decoratin'," Kaylee winked conspiratorially.

Inara fought a smile. "I don't have much to decorate with I'm afraid, but maybe we could see what we can come up with," she agreed, nodding. "That cot isn't the most comfortable bed I've ever slept in, I have to admit."

"I have some scarves and a few pretties. I'll loan 'em to you until we get to the Trainin' House to pick up your things," Kaylee offered. "It'll be fun. We could stencil..." she began hopefully.

"Let's not get too carried away," Inara cautioned, smiling. "Mal's only going to be gone a few days." Seeing the mechanic's hopeful look fade, the Companion bit her lip and smiled. "Okay, maybe one wall..."

Kaylee squealed joyfully, plopping her tea down and leaping from the worn couch. "I'll get my brushes and paints and get that lazy Simon out of bed. Him and Jayne can move the heavy stuff for us," she grinned. "Oh, and we'll ask River to help, too," she said excitedly. "Well," Kaylee said expectantly, "Let's go. Cap'n'll have a hissy if he gets back and its half done," she warned with a knowing look. "Ya gotta choose your moment to do stuff like this, if you know what I mean," she grinned.

Inara laughed out loud and let Kaylee pull her to her feet, echoing the younger woman's grin. "Wiser words have never been spoken, _mei mei_ ," she agreed.


	10. Weighing the Costs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things haven't gone well on Verbena.

Zoe pinched the cut closed and deftly slipped the needle through two folds of skin, closing the wound with practiced movements. "Hurt much?" she asked, knowing the answer already.

"Son of a-- Yes!" Mal complained, wincing at her less than gentle treatment. His hand came up involuntarily and he had to force it into a fist to keep from yanking the needle out of her hand. Another Chinese expletive flew from his lips as she drew the waxed thread through his eyebrow, tugging on it firmly when it caught stubbornly.

“ _Yi han,"_ she muttered insincerely, concentrating on making another stitch. “Just ponderin’, sir, on how lucky we are that my sense of humor's still intact, considerin’ your pretty face ain’t what it was,” she drawled, sarcastic disapproval dripping from her voice.

Mal glared up at her from under her hands. Last thing he wanted right now was a lecture from his first mate. The woman was already stickin' him with a pin, he surely wasn't keen on a verbal lashing on top of it, but he knew one was coming. When Zoe was mad at him, she didn't hesitate on lettin' him know it.

He kept silent aside from the occasional grunted exclamation of pain, knowing she would make her point no matter what he might say. She'd been especially vocal of late, questioning him more, and he couldn't help but wonder if it weren't 'cause she felt it'd been his poor choices that had got Wash killed. Didn't help that he thought she was right, neither.

“Ain’t got nothin’ to say for yourself?” Zoe continued when it was evident he wasn’t going to launch into one of his spiels about how it hadn't been his fault.

“I’d probably set there all quiet too, had I shown my _pigu_ with the finesse you did back in that bar,” she added, pulling the knot sharply before clipping it with the small scissors they kept in the med kit. “We’re running close the edge of desperate, you said. Figure we just went right over,” she ground out, punctuating her dialogue with the needle. “One drink. We've mopped Alliance floors, scrubbed Alliance latrines, hell, even seem to recall you gettin’ your face pushed into a few of ‘em, and you can’t drink one glass of whiskey to 'em when we’re on the edge?”

She clipped the last stitch and smeared a dab of clear ointment on it with one finger, pressing down a little harder than necessary. “Like dealin’ with a child,” Zoe grumbled to herself as she gathered up the med supplies and placed them neatly into the box.

"Some things I swore I'd never do," Mal said, voice thick. He swallowed roughly, dropping his gaze to his hands. "You, more'n anyone, ought to know that."

Zoe looked at the top of his head and sighed, her anger still simmering. “What I know is that morals and principals won’t feed a crew nor fuel a ship. We got a crew and a ship. Might be we have to forgo a few of our ethics for them, _dong ma?_ ” she stated as she knelt in front of him, pressing a small ice pack to his split lip. “Comes a time you gotta put needs before your stubborn pride, Mal.”

He took the ice pack, staring hard at her. "An' you can say that? Even after—" He cut himself off before he actually said Wash's name. "Even after everythin' they took?"

"This ain't about me," she told him coldly, looking him dead in the eye. "This is about what you got waitin' back on that ship. People dependin' on you to take care of 'em - to keep 'em together. You wanna go back there - look Kaylee in the eye and tell her that she's gotta find work elsewhere cause you can't swallow an Alliance toast? And Inara? She's where she belongs now. I'd throw back a shot to keep her there - how 'bout you?" she asked roughly.

Mal let out a breath and closed his eyes, nodding finally, the gesture conveying an acknowledgement that she was right and his apology and all in one – message given and received - the unspoken words all that were necessary to square things between them.

He nodded again and then stood, grunting at the ache of his protesting muscles. "We'll head to the north tomorrow, see if we can't find that job you heard about," he said, the Captain once more. "Best bed down for the night," he continued. "Sun'll be up early."

Zoe agreed with a nod as she got to her feet. "Just about worn out myself," she said, heading to her cot. Slipping her vest off and spreading it over a crate, she arranged her gun on the floor within easy arm's reach. Her eyes ranged over his battered face with a half smile, her anger appeased, as she lay back on the thin bedding. "Got a good feelin' 'bout tomorrow, sir," she told him, pulling the worn army blanket over her shoulders.

Mal slid his suspenders off and carelessly unbuttoned his shirt. "That makes one of us," he muttered under his breath as he tossed the garment aside and stiffly lowered his bruised body to the small camp bed.

*~*

Inara glanced down at _Serenity’s_ chronometer for what had to be the hundredth time and sighed.

She was alone on the bridge, only the stars and the bluish, slow-moving numbers for company and, she had to admit, she was bored. Well, not _bored_ exactly. Impatient might be a better word. And tired. Tired and bored and impatient.

She eyed the numbers, cursing herself for looking when she knew less than a minute had passed since the last time. Sighing, she gnawed on her lip as her eyes slid up to the communications bank and the dark vid screen that stared emptily back at her, curling her fingers into her palms to keep from reaching for the keypad.

He’d said to wave only if it was an emergency, she reminded herself.

She let out an exasperated breath. _Tianna_ , it was only the first day, she lamented. What was she going to do if he didn't get back for a week?

*~*

Zoe sighed in exasperation as Mal moved restlessly on the creaky cot a few feet away. Pulling the woolen blanket up to her ears, she once more tried to sleep.

“Could be I ought'n a told her not to wave,” he said out of the blue. “What if somethin’ went wrong and they can’t get a signal out?” he worried aloud.

“Might be a good idea to check on ‘em, sir,” Zoe ground out with a roll of her eyes. “Real quiet like,” she warned, her tone bordering on hostile.

Mal turned his head in her direction, his bare arms resting behind his head. “You think?” he asked seriously.

Zoe growled. “Wave her!,” she hissed, flopping on her side away from him, jerking the cover over her head with some muffled words that Mal couldn’t hear.

“No need to get tetchy,” Mal muttered, rising quickly. Moving to the cockpit, he ran his fingers over the keys with practiced movements, bringing up the data screen. Squinting in the semi-darkness, he quickly typed in the illegal codes for a secure line, his heart beating a little faster as he waited for the transmission to go through.

*~*

Inara pulled her blanket tighter around her shoulders in effort to ward off the chill in the air – Serenity was in her sleep cycle; the temperature had dropped about twenty minutes ago to conserve energy, and the cold had slowly seeped its way into her.

The ship was quiet and still, too quiet, and every creak and groan and tap and grate that Serenity made sounded foreign and unsettling to her. In her shuttle, the sounds were familiar, comforting almost, but here, alone on the bridge, she found herself startling at every sound that echoed through the hull of the old cargo ship, leaving her feeling skittish and annoyed with herself at the same time for being so.

She wanted to wave him. It was foolish – they were nothing more than noises fueled by her imagination – hardly an emergency.

A sound, like metal on metal, came from the crew deck suddenly, and Inara turned in the pilot's chair, heart hammering in her chest as she stared out the hatch, listening intently. Just as she was finally satisfied that it was nothing and she was about to turn back, the sound came again and this time Inara got to her feet in alarm.

"Hello? Kaylee…? River…?" she called out, hoping it was one of the girls. When no answer came, she slipped the blanket from her shoulders, leaving it on the chair, and headed to the hatch, jumping as the sound came again.

She reached the open door and peered down into the half lit corridor, gasping as Jayne suddenly came around the corner, Vera in hand.

"Jayne!" she gasped, both relieved and annoyed at the man. "What in heaven are you up to?" she asked, masking her foolish fear with an angry tone.

Jayne stared up at her a moment then just shrugged. "Jus' checkin' the ship," he said gruffly. "Doin' my rounds. Security like," he clarified.

Right, she reminded herself. Just doing his job. "You startled me," she said by way of explanation, but the big man merely shrugged again, turning to leave. He paused half way and looked back, an odd look coming over his face.

"You know, uh… They suit ya," he said, nodding at her outfit awkwardly. "Look fine on ya."

Inara gaped at him, his compliment the last thing she ever expected. "Thank you," she managed.

He shrugged yet again and motioned over his shoulder. "Well," he said, "best get back to it." And then he was gone, heading out into the galley and beyond to the rest of the ship.

Bewildered, Inara returned to the cockpit, sliding into Wash's chair, shaking her head. She was just about ready to consider heading to bed when an incoming wave suddenly chimed and she gasped, reaching out frantically to hit the button to connect the transmission.

*~*

Mal ran his hand through his hair impatiently as he waited for the carrier to pick up, only to find himself tongue tied when Inara’s face filled the screen.

“Well, hey,” he pushed out, feeling foolish for risking a wave when he saw that she looked as calm and collected as ever. “Just wanted to, you know, see if everything went smooth today,” he said awkwardly. Seeing her face, Mal thought back on Zoe's words. He knew he was stubborn, had been all his life. Maybe he did need to weigh the cost of his pridefulness against what was waiting for him on Serenity. Suddenly he was glad that he'd chanced waving, unwise or not - it was worth it to talk to her, to be even this close.

"Hi," she breathed out, a smile curving her lips as she stared at the tiny image of his face, inordinately pleased that he'd waved. "Everything went--Mal! What is--are you _cut_?" she exclaimed suddenly, leaning closer to the screen to get a better look at what were plainly stitches above his left eye. " _Ai ya!_ You haven't even been there a day!"

Mal winced, grin fading as the action opened the split in his lip again. “What? Oh, that?” he asked, lightly touching the stitches. “Ain’t nothin’ – bumped into the hatch is all. Too tall for my own good sometimes,” he lied dismissively. “So? Things went smooth?” he asked.

She gave him a look that told him she wasn't fooled for a minute. "Things went fine here. Much better, apparently, than they did down there," she said pointedly. She sighed but smiled, affection winning out over concern as he appeared to be well. It was so typically 'Mal' of him. "Is Zoe all right?" she asked, shaking her head fondly.

"Zoe? Peachy," he said lightly with a fake smile, still a little peeved over the stitching incident. "Sleepin'," Mal clarified.

"You are the worst liar," Inara said, fighting back a grin. She gave him an indulgent sigh. "What happened?"

"Have you know that most consider me to be a fine liar, Ms. Serra," he said before giving in. "Truth is it was more fist than door," he said sheepishly. "'Sure I'll be much more open to the 'illumination of the Alliance forces' and their 'plentiful bounty of smugglin' opportunities' tomorrow. Today was what we in the business call a _ xué wèn jīng yàn," _he admitted wryly.

She frowned. "It looks like it was a hard lesson. I guess this means you won't be coming back early," she said, trying to hide her disappointment.

“Not likely,” he agreed, his own dissatisfaction coming through his voice. He cleared his throat again, fingers playing absently with knobs on the navigation console.

She looked away a moment. "It's not the same without you here," she said with a soft laugh. She turned back. "It feels... empty." _I miss you_ she wanted to say, but asked instead what he and Zoe planned to do next.

“We'll branch out a little further, check on a lead that Zoe heard of. Most like we won’t make it back for a couple days. Wish it was sooner - gettin' a little homesick down here," he admitted softly.

Inara gave him a melancholy smile. "I do too," she said softly. "I...I miss you," she breathed out, rolling her eyes at herself for feeling so nervous. She brushed her hair back from her face, shrugging one shoulder absently. "I wanted to wave you earlier but... you said only in emergencies.

"Missin' me ain't an emergency?" he teased, his heart banging against his chest so hard he was surprised Zoe couldn't hear it. Much as he wanted to say the words back to her, his tongue seemed to stick to the roof of his mouth.

She smiled self-consciously. "Well, I'll be sure to make a note of it for the next time you fly off and leave me - in charge," she added quickly, suddenly feeling awkward.

"Maybe next time I come, you can come with me," he promised, then froze, aghast, his face burning as he realized how his words could be misconstrued.

Inara raised an eyebrow coyly, eyeing him in amusement as she pressed her lips together firmly to keep from laughing. _That sounds appealing_ , she thought, but stopped herself from saying it - it was just too easy.

Mal coughed, quickly changing the subject to avoid humiliating himself further. "Suppose you been busy," he diverted, pausing as he caught sight of a smudge of crimson on her forehead. "An'—why do you have paint on your face?" he asked suspiciously.

Her eyes widened and she brought a hand up to her cheek quickly. "What!? Where?"

"Kaylee," Mal said, a world of meaning in his voice. "Thought she'd outgrowed that habit," he sighed. "Used to be every gorram time I'd leave the ship she'd be paintin' somethin'," he groused, still embarrassed. "Leastways she's limited to flowers."

"Well..." Inara said, grinning as she pictured the shuttle, "Maybe a bit more than flowers now," she laughed, amused that he'd caught them out.

Mal groaned. "What have you done to my boat?"

"When you get back you can come – and see," she added, eyes twinkling.

Blushing, Mal sighed good-naturedly, shaking his head. "Next time I'm leavin' Jayne in charge," he threatened.

"Jayne might actually be disappointed," she said, smiling. "He's quite taken with his security role - he's even patrolling the ship," she added with a grin.

"Huh," Mal said with a smile that ended as he glanced at the chronometer. _Zhou ma_ ," he muttered. "Need to go," he said apologetically. "Didn't realize the time," he explained, a frown forming between his brows.

"It is late," she agreed reluctantly. "Wave me tomorrow night? If everything works out?"

"Won't promise but if I'm able..." he agreed. "Well... _tián mèng mèi,"_ Mal wished her quietly, the words coming awkwardly.

 _”Hǎo shuì,"_ she answered softly. "Be careful, and come home soon," she added, touching the screen, wishing he weren't so far away.

Mal swallowed hard and nodded, reaching out to slowly tap the keyboard, ending the transmission. He stared out at the stars for a long while before he slowly rose, groaning as his forgotten injuries flared back to life. "Christ," he muttered as he made his way slowly back to his cot, "gettin' too old to be caught on the wrong side of a fist." Holding the frame, he slowly lowered his stiff body, sighing as he stretched out on his belly, already half asleep.

"So..." Zoe said, her voice startling him in the quiet.

"Yeah?" Mal answered, something in her tone making him wary.

"Thinkin' on havin' Inara come, huh?" she asked, laughter breaking free as she snorted.

Mal blew out a resigned breath, burying his face in his pillow. "Never gonna live that down am I?" he asked ruefully.

"Not this side of hell, sir," she assured him, a smile in her voice that lingered as they both drifted off to sleep.


	11. Ain't Never So Bad It Can't Be Worse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zoe takes a job. Mal's not happy.

The study was elegantly appointed with glossy hardwoods and tall shelves holding leather-bound books that had never been opened. Full draperies of some material Zoe recognized but couldn't name spilled from the ceiling before puddling with luxurious waste on the floor. The mahogany desk they stood before gleamed in the muted morning light, the sun warming a jade foo lion that sat at neat attenion on the uncluttered surface. The whole room spoke of money and power and greed. Just standing in it made Zoe itch between her shoulder blades – or maybe that was the heavily-armed men who stood to the side and behind them.

Glancing at Mal’s impassive profile, she turned once again to face the man behind the desk, Mr. Loh.

"I’ve heard nothing of you in these parts,” he was saying as he surveyed them both from head to toe. Zoe got the feeling he wasn’t impressed, yet he hadn’t shown them the door either so she remained hopeful. Mal was being uncharacteristically quiet at her side, waiting to hear the offer. She knew he was worried about being outgunned as well as their surroundings. When they’d arrived at the address their eyes had met and eyebrows raised in unison. This was more than a wealthy businessman and they both knew it.

“I’m a great believer in expansion,” Loh continued as they stood waiting, “and I’m in an adventurous mood today so perhaps I will take a chance with you.” His eyes roamed over Zoe as he spoke, but he addressed his words to Mal.

“I have some work that requires...finesse,” he said smoothly as his fingers idly played with a gold letter opener. “My company has a delicate cargo to move to a mining colony. I could have the goods delivered to your ship by tomorrow morning if you could have them on Callas within two days. It’s a short-haul run, I know, but I will pay you in advance and send extra fuel cells with the payload."

“Sounds a little too good,” Mal answered him shortly, rocking back on his heels in a way that had Zoe’s spine stiffening. He’d taken an obvious dislike to Loh and she sensed the tension that ran through him. “What is the cargo?” Mal asked, an edge to his voice that had Zoe glancing at him from the corner of her eye.

"Not that we're picky about that," she added with a smile, wishing they were at a table so she could kick Mal's shin beneath it.

Mr. Loh carefully placed the letter opener on his blotter, aligning it parallel with the lower edge, the point facing west, before he spoke.

“Of course you are wise to ask,” he told Mal cooly. “I’m a procurer for the miners on Callas. They’ve been there for three years now. Their colony is strong and they’ve become very successful. Many of them are ready to settle down, to start families, but they are in need of wives. As you might guess, acquiring spouses on such a remote location is a bit of a problem. We have advertised and found several willing applicants. Twelve young women who, like me, are believers in expansion.”

“We don’t -“ Mal began tersely, hands curling into fists.

“We'll take it,” Zoe interrupted smoothly, moving closer to the desk, drawing Loh's attention to herself. “That is if you’re sure they're volunteers,” she qualified more for Mal’s sake than anything else.

“Excellent,” he answered her with a pleased smile. “And of course they are volunteers. I’m not a flesh peddler, Ms. Washburn, I’m a legitimate businessman.”

“And we’re here to do business,” she stated firmly before Mal could speak.

“Then we have an agreement,” Mr. Loh told them as he stood and bowed his head slightly to Zoe. “Tomorrow please anticipate the arrival of the young women by shuttle,” he told them, his tone a dismissal. “You may give the particulars of your location, the account for your credits, and your fueling requirements to Chan,” he said, indicating his secretary.

“Captain Reynolds, please don’t hesitate to wave me if there is a problem. Of course, you look like a man who can handle any difficulties that might come your way. I look forward to our future association.”

Zoe risked a glance at Mal, nearly wincing at Loh's thinnly veiled sarcasm. Though his expression was unreadable, Mal's mouth was set in a furious line. She turned back to their new employer with a soft sigh. It was going to be a long ride home.

“'Spect we'll be movin’ on in the near future,” Mal said shortly, his words coming out clipped and sharp, "and we deal in coin, not account credit."

Loh's mouth tightened at Mal's demand, but he simply nodded. “Then I am fortunate to have made your acquaintance when I had the opportunity. Perhaps fate will be kind and throw you back into my path at some point," he said, motioning with a nod for his men to escort them out.

Without replying, Mal turned and strode for the door, not waiting for Zoe to catch up.

"Who are we to say?" Loh added softly, his eyes on the Captain as he swept out the door.

Let's hope not, Zoe thought as she followed Mal out with a restrained sigh.

 

~*~

 

Throwing the shuttle's hatch open with more force than necessary, Mal shoved it aside again angrily when it bounced back at him in protest, cursing the thing for a piece of _go se._

He was mad. Livid, really. Oh, there had been times when Zoe had pissed him off in the past, but never like this. Never anything like this.

Clenching his fists at his sides to keep from hitting something, he paced angrily, turning away from the hatch abruptly as Zoe finally appeared through it, silent and grim, her own anger held tightly in control.

She watched with resignation as he moved around the cargo area, kicking at the cots, grabbing their folded blankets and stuffing them crossly into the metal storage locker, storming around stowing gear as if his life depended on it. He wasn’t mumbling under his breath, but he did shoot her killing looks occasionally. Knowing it would be a matter of waiting him out at this point, she efficiently folded the camp beds, moving them out of Mal’s way before he could swing his boot in their direction again, wincing a little as she heard him hiss when his foot connected with a tool box he’d left out earlier that morning.

“Might be you should use your head,” she said under her breath, "it's harder."

Mal ground his back teeth together, his angry breaths coming fast and heavy as he shot her a look that would've cowed a lesser person, biting back a scathing retort as he kicked the tool box again – carefully this time – shoving it into the far wall sourly.

"'Spect that gear's about as stowed as it's gonna get," Zoe tried again; a vain attempt to lighten his mood.

He glowered and threw a canister into its lockbox full force.

Zoe rolled her eyes and sighed. He could be a stubborn _hun dan_ at times. "Thought we sorted this out yesterday," she said, frustrated. "Can't afford to be throwin' jobs away."

"We don't do slaves," he growled lowly.

"An' they ain't slaves!" Zoe growled back.

He glared at her, his look saying it was semantics and she knew it.

She hung her head momentarily, letting out a weary breath. "Mal—" she started, an attempt to smooth this over with him, but he cut her off.

"This one's on your head," he said. "Just so you know it. This ain't mine. This one's on you."

Zoe raised her head, her eyes meeting his with resolve. "Did what needed to be done and I won't say I'm sorry for it. You'd have done the same in my place," she informed him flatly. "Don't know about you, but I'm ready to go home," she added, brushing past him on her way to the pilot's seat.  


~*~

  
Mal was out of the shuttle almost before they'd finished docking.

He stormed up the stairs, the laughter he could hear coming from the galley only setting his nerves on edge farther than they already were. The last thing he wanted was to see anyone. Pushing on resolutely, he strode into the kitchen, jaw set and teeth clenched.

"Hey Cap'n!" Kaylee called cheerfully, the rest of the table's occupants looking up as he entered the room.

"Welcome back," Inara said, smile faltering at the look on his face.

Mal said nothing, his eyes flicking over them all before he turned and marched purposefully to his food locker, pausing only long enough to pull out a bottle of amber liquid and grab a tin cup from the counter before heading toward his bunk.

"Hey, we got a job or what?" Jayne called after him.

"Ask Zoe," Mal ground out over his shoulder and then disappeared up into the crew deck, the hatch to his bunk closing after him with a loud, echoing clang.

The rest of the crew stared at each other in confused surprise.

Inara stood. "Maybe I should—"

"Let him be a while," Zoe warned as she came up into the kitchen slowly. She headed for the stove and poured herself a cup of coffee, drinking the hot liquid gratefully.

"So, we got a job?" Jayne persisted, looking to the first mate.

"We do," Zoe said with a nod after swallowing. "Need you an' Kaylee to organize some bunk space in the cargo bay, we'll be takin' on some passengers first thing."

"Passengers! That's shiny!" Kaylee exclaimed, smile fading slightly as she glanced over at Inara, instantly aware that the Companion wanted a word with Zoe, alone. She jumped up with forced excitement, moving to the other side of the table. "Ain't that shiny?" she asked Jayne with a pointed look, tugging the big man up from the table.

"So long as it's payin'," the mercenary said, oblivious, following reluctantly as Kaylee dragged him from the room.

Inara watched them go, waiting until they were out of earshot before turning to Zoe. "What is it? What's happened?" she asked guardedly.

Zoe sighed and looked towards Mal’s bunk. “Man hates to give ground – and he had to give a lot of it today,” she said regretfully before turning back to Inara. “Things are like to be tense between me and him for a few days, but that’ll pass."

Inara blinked in surprise at the other woman's words. It was extremely rare for Mal and Zoe to disagree on anything, and never in public, so to hear that there was tension between them only served to heighten her concern. "Who are these passengers?"

"It's women," Zoe said at last. "A group of 'em shippin' off world to be wives on a minin' colony. They ain't slaves," she clarified at the Companion's look of alarm. "Ain't bein' forced against their wills. Every one of 'em volunteered, but it skirts too close to the edge for the Captain. He ain't happy about it," she said softly.

"No. Knowing Mal, I don't imagine he would be," Inara agreed. "I'm surprised he even took the job."

"He didn't - I did," Zoe said, meeting the Companion's astounded gaze evenly. "We need the work. We're past the point where we can afford to pick and choose." She sighed, her eyes cutting down a moment, before lifting to meet Inara's again. "Gotta take what comes our way, no matter how much it chafes at his sensibilities."

She finished off the last of her coffee, gone slightly cold, and turned to set the cup in the sink. "Contacts'll be here bright and early," she said, still facing the sink. "Be nice if he was in a better frame o'mind by then." Zoe gave Inara one last look over her shoulder. "This work ain't so solid it can't be lost," she said solemnly, leaving the Companion with her own thoughts as she left the room.


	12. Worse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inara talks to Mal. Things go from bad to worse.

Concern darkened Kaylee’s eyes as she glanced at the quiet faces around the kitchen table. The only sounds in the galley - aside from those of forks half-heartedly scraping pottery as they ate their meager supper - floated down from the crew deck where Simon gently tried to coax River from where she'd curled up on the grating outside Mal's bunk.

"River, you need to come down now. Don't you want something to eat?" Simon's voice carried down into the galley.

Kaylee turned her glance toward the stairs, trying to make out River's soft reply, frowning at Jayne as he rolled his eyes with a shake of his head.

"She doesn't need his concern. Fine where she is!" River's voice came suddenly loud, followed a few moments later by Simon as he returned to the kitchen unhappily.

Jayne, of course, seemed totally oblivious to the tension as he used a scrap of protein to swipe every crumb of food from his plate before cramming the whole thing in his mouth, chewing it with gusto.

“What’re you lookin’ at?” he asked crossly when his gaze met Kaylee’s across the table.

“Not a thing,” she answered sarcastically, shaking her head at his insensitivity. “Just wonderin’ how you can eat like that when you know that somethin’s amiss with the Cap'n,” she pointed out.

“The Cap’n’ll be fine, Kaylee” Zoe assured her as she pushed back from the table and carried her plate to the sink. “Just got a lot on his mind,” she said as she efficiently rinsed her dish and wiped it dry.

“When we get done here we’ll do a once over of the ship. Make sure things are secured and ready for tomorrow. And Jayne,” she said with a significant look at the merc, “you best walk light with these women. This ain’t no time for antics.”

“Well, hell, how come I gotta tippey-toe around just cause Mal’s all bothered? Some o’them gals might wanna have a night with a real man afore they get hitched up to some old dirt-scrapin’ miner,” Jayne groused, eyeing Kaylee’s plate speculatively. “You gonna eat that?” he asked, draining his coffee in one gulp.

Kaylee rolled her eyes and threw the protein stick at his face, looking away in disgust as he deftly caught the food and eagerly bit into it, grinning his thanks at her around the dry bar.

“Deal is the cargo arrives in pristine condition,” Zoe pointed out mildly, wiping her hands dry before propping them on her hips. Her gaze fell on Simon. “How we fixed for meds and such, Doc? Got enough to get us through two days with nineteen on board?”

Wiping his mouth with his napkin, Simon quickly calculated. “We should be fine, as long as we stay out of firefights and plague-ridden areas,” he answered with a touch of black humor. “I’ve got bandages and basics. Just not enough antibiotics or plasma to treat any major injuries,” he elaborated when Zoe didn’t respond.

She nodded then, her thoughts already on the logistics of housing a dozen women. “Have to do. I’ll start the rounds. Jayne, you and Kaylee come on when you finish. Cap’n’ll want everything in good shape for tomorrow,” she said, her own weariness seeping in to her voice.

She nodded to River on her way out of the galley as the girl finally came down for some supper.

***************

Inara knocked on Mal's bunk for a third time, sighing when he still refused to answer. She had waited a good couple of hours before coming, to give him time to cool down, but as much as she worried about him he frustrated her to no end sometimes and she couldn't help the twinge of annoyance she felt at his stubbornness. Not that this wasn't classic Mal behavior, she reasoned as she turned from his door, making her way back to her shuttle slowly. She didn't expect him to change just because they were... well, doing what they were doing.

Which, apparently, would be 'nothing' this evening. She sighed again. She had been looking forward to his return all day, had plans of her own for a quiet reunion, just the two of them, but there would be no chance of that now. She was well aware of what he was like when he was in a mood. More than likely, had he let her in, he would have just accused her of using her wiles on him and called her a whore - Mal always did enjoy his misery in company.

Maybe it was better that she didn't see him tonight, she reasoned. She didn't feel like adding an argument to the day's disappointment, and with Mal, nine times out of ten he would come up fighting.

Resigning herself to an evening alone, she slipped through the newly hung curtains into her shuttle, stopping in sudden shock to find Mal sitting on the cot within, staring up at her with weary eyes.

She let out a breath, lips curving downward sadly, compassion replacing her annoyance as she crossed the room to him, her fingers reaching out to brush his bangs back from his face gently, running through the strands.

 _"Shenshi wo suoyi ni?"_ she whispered softly, her voice full of affection as she smoothed her hand over his bruised cheek.

Mal turned his face into her, heaving a shuddering breath as his eyes slid closed at her touch, head slightly dizzy from the whiskey he was finishing off.

“Guess you’ve heard then,” he pushed out roughly. “Surely ain’t a thing I’m proud of, keepin’ us afloat on what could end up bein’ the misery of others,” he said flatly.

"You don't know that it will come to that," Inara soothed, her brow furrowing as she examined his face more closely. “Mal, you’re bleeding,” she said, her concern tinged with exasperation at his penchant for getting into trouble. “You should have seen Simon, at least for a pain reliever,” she chastised, moving to the head for a cloth and some water.

"Got my own pain relief," he informed her solemnly, raising the cup and bottle he held as proof, warily eyeing her as she came back to him with a small bowl. He obediently tilted his head, his gaze scanning the newly decorated shuttle.

"See you made some changes in here while we was gone," he noted.

“Yes, well, it’s about time I made this place livable, don’t you think?” Inara said brusquely, frowning as she dipped the cloth into the bowl and squeezed out the excess water before bringing it up to his forehead. She put her hand on his jaw to hold his face steady as she wiped at the drying blood above his stitched eyebrow, shaking her head slightly.

“And that’s hardly what I’d call proper medication,” she tsked, motioning to the bottle. “That’s not like you, Mal,” she added, softening with concern as she brushed another cut with her cloth.

He sat quietly, eyes closed again, his senses humming at her closeness. Breathing in her scent, he wallowed in the soft worry he heard in her voice, willing to let her rub his skin raw if it would keep her near him.

"Nothin' 'bout this job's been like me," he muttered inaudibly. "S'pect that 'til we get on our feet again you'll see more new behavior," he warned.

Inara paused, lifting the cloth from his skin to stare down at him, her thumb grazing his bottom lip with the barest of touches. “Not all of it has been bad behavior,” she pointed out softly.

Her words, her touch, sent a jolt of electricity through his belly that made his head swim more than the whiskey. Mal swallowed hard, opening his eyes to meet her gaze as he absently picked at the fabric near his knee and began to rub a piece of her cotton shirt between his thumb and forefinger.

"Seemed less complex before we left," he admitted quietly. "Things have gotten complicated."

Inara swallowed, her insides tightening. “Too complicated?” she asked in a whisper, holding her breath unconsciously for his answer.

"Didn't mean you ...," Mal clarified, realizing she'd misunderstood his answer. "Meant the circumstances with the women. Keeps buzzin' about in my head," he confessed. He ran his free hand down his face. "Ain't so much mad at Zoe as myself. It's not even the cargo much as me worryin’ about what we might do next time." Mal raised his eyes to meet Inara's concerned look. "You compromise me, Inara, you bein' here this way," he said shortly. "When I think of us not flyin', it's you not bein' here that's the hardest," he admitted softly. "If I was a stronger man I'd let you go," he pushed out roughly. "Sometimes it scares me to think on what I might do to keep you with me," he admitted quietly.

Mal shook his head as if to clear it. "'M too addlepated to be speakin' to you," he said, attempting to rise to his feet.

“Mal,” she said impatiently, pushing him back down. “Stop it,” she demanded. “All of it; the self-pity and this stubborn need you have to sabotage every bit of happiness in your life. Just stop.” She let out an aggravated breath, brow furrowed at him. “Stop worrying about what might or might not happen, the things you can’t change anyway, and see what you have now. Tomorrow could bring anything - take anything. It’s what we have now that’s important, not what we might lose tomorrow…” She trailed off, her eyes falling away from his as she shook her head.

Sighing, he dropped his gaze back to the bottle in his fist, watching the ripple of the liquid inside as it slowly settled. "Can I ask you something... personal like?" he asked roughly.

Taking the nearly empty glass from his other hand, she held it up, the amber liquid catching the weak light. Studying his solemn face, she took a cautious sip. “If you like,” she wheezed out, wiping a tear from the corner of her eye as the alcohol burned its way down her throat. “How much of this have you had?”

“Not nearly enough,” he said somberly before taking a long pull from the bottle. “You conjure someone could ever... willingly... agree to... marry some stranger on another world, just to get off this one? An' be happy about it?" He brought his gaze back to hers, something vulnerable flickering there before he dropped it back to the bottle uncomfortably.

Inara took another taste, feeling the warmth of it in her belly as she carefully considered her words.

“Willingly leave Verbena? Yes. Perhaps they're not that happy there. No choices. No chance for change. Maybe they're hoping that this will open up new opportunities for them. This is a gamble for them, but I don’t think they’d be risking it if there wasn’t a good chance things will be better than what they’ll have there.”

"Don't seem like much of a choice," he said, shaking his head. "An' they're still bein' paid for, like a shipload of gorram cattle..." He turned the bottle in his fingers, staring into its depths absently. "This ain't what we do," he said, barely more than a whisper.

Inara's sigh was full of sympathy as she turned back to him reaching out to gently cover his hand where it rested on the bottle. "They're not slaves, Mal. They chose this. Sometimes just the act of choosing for oneself can be its own freedom," she said softly.

“That what it is for you?” he asked before he could stop the words.

Her hand dropped away in startled displeasure and she unconsciously crossed her arms. “What?”

“Nothin’,” Mal said quickly, shaking his head as he swallowed the rest of his words. He didn’t want a fight with her, as familiar and comfortable as that would be, he didn’t have the energy left for it. “’s just… How do I know, Inara?" He sat back with a frustrated sigh. "An' why in the hell didn't I keep my gorram mouth shut and drink in the first place?" he asked rhetorically, cursing the whole situation.

“You can’t know. We'll just have to wait and see."

"An' if it all turns out to be bogus? How do I tell my crew I skunked the job - again - if I don't like what I see? How do I tell em' we gotta make protein we've already stretched beyond bearing, last another two weeks or more? Good intentions ain't gonna put food on the table or money in our pockets, an' if we dont' get some of each, an' soon, we're on the drift and starvin' in the black, an' a hell of a lot of good that's gonna do all them innocent women." He hung his head. "So I'm stuck, whether I like it or not, an' ain't no amount of principles gonna change that," he growled, directing his anger toward her, irrationally.

“There is a way to avoid all this,” Inara said plainly, “one we’ve both been ignoring up until now.” She gave him a significant look.

“No!” he barked, leaping up as he made the connection to what she was suggesting. “You ain’t payin’ rent. You want to add some coin in for food and such when pick up your things from the Training House, that’s fine, but I don’t want you--you’re not payin’ rent!” he said with finality.

Inara drew herself up to her full height, anger at his stubbornness and presumption coursing through her. “It’s the most logical solution!” she argued. “We need the money. And if I’m working, my rent will ensure that you won’t have to take this sort of job to keep flying.”

“It ain’t your rent that has us behind,” Mal denied. “’S the time we lost, the contacts. We’d still have to take any job as come along. No need for you to… rent the shuttle.”

“That’s not your decision to make, Mal,” she said, staring hard at him, angry that, beyond all reason, he continued to be so immovable on the subject. “You can’t expect me to stay in limbo here forever. Sooner or later I have to work.”

“Plenty of work on Serenity,” he countered obstinately.

“And what would you have me do? Cook? Do your laundry? Or will I be toting a gun and robbing banks with you and Jayne?”

He crossed his arms, smiling a mean, cold smile. “Could use an extra hand in all those areas,” he answered snidely.

“ _Ren ci de FoZu_ , Mal, I’m a Companion!” she said, exasperated at his refusal to acknowledge that.

He turned away, the smile falling from his face, and studied the shuttle, noting the changes she'd made since he and Zoe had left. It seemed like weeks ago instead of days. He'd hoped it meant she was making a new start. He'd been wrong before.

"I won't rent the shuttle to you for work," he said, still not looking at her, his tone tired but firm. "If you choose that life, you'll do it where I don't have to watch. Soon as we get these women to Callas, say the word and we'll drop you off for good at your House."

She stared at him silently for a long moment, equal parts angry and sad. It was all falling apart; she could feel it crumbling around them, every quiet moment they'd shared over the last week turning to dust, so painfully fast.

"That's it then? There'll be no compromise?" She shook her head, bitterness crawling up her throat like bile. "No matter what I choose, I'll have to give up everything, when you know I'd never ask that of you." She dropped her gaze, her hands balling into fists, chest tight. "Please don't force me to choose, Mal," she whispered finally.

Mal uncrossed his arms, one hand dragging through his hair as he moved to look at the mural Inara and Kaylee had painted. "So that's where the red paint came from," he said under his breath, his fingers reaching out to trace a curly cue that had Kaylee’ written all over it. His eyes moved over the work that Inara had done, noting the skillful brush strokes that portrayed a sophisticated Asian landscape of mountains, a small temple nestled in the midst of one of the valleys. He swallowed roughly before turning back to the Companion.

"Was different before," he began slowly, his eyes on the top of her head. "Since you been here...since we...," he trailed off, unable to find the words he needed, a mix of rage and pain coursing through him. "Won't ask," he finally managed, squaring his shoulders before turning toward the hatch. "If that's the way you feel there ain't no need; but God damn you, Inara, for makin' me think you was here to stay," he said between clenched teeth.

She drew in a careful breath, running her tongue over her bottom lip as she tried to find the words that could rebuild the rapidly deteriorating bridges they'd built, to somehow salvage what she could feel slipping away and make him understand at the same time.

"I never promised I would stay forever, Mal. I can't promise you what I don't know.” She took a step forward, staring back at him earnestly. "But I'm here right now, and I want to be here. Can't that be enough?"

His hand paused on the latch, Mal turned to look at her over one shoulder, his eyes skimming her wan face. "I really don’t know," he said, voice soft with regret, as he turned and walked out the door.


	13. Regrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mal does some soul searching and reaches an important turning point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Extreme apologies for the delay with this one. We had a time of it trying to figure out how exactly we were going to sort out the mess Mal and Inara got us into in the last part, but I think we've found the path again :o) Special thanks to [](http://gilliebeans.livejournal.com/profile)[gilliebeans](http://gilliebeans.livejournal.com/) and [](http://charlie-bz.livejournal.com/profile)[charlie_bz](http://charlie-bz.livejournal.com/) for putting up with me when I dominated all our conversations with my writing woes, for reading and advising and supporting. You guys are great. Thanks also, of course, to my lovely [](http://terimaru.livejournal.com/profile)[terimaru](http://terimaru.livejournal.com/), who does a mean Zoe, and who still finds time for me in her busy days, even when all I do is whinge and moan. You're the best, darlin'.

Mal groaned.

Slowly he opened his eyes, squeezing them shut again against the harsh fluorescent glare of the lights in his bunk. Too bright.

He groaned again, the combination of churning nausea in his stomach and the pressure that felt like someone was jumping on his head, under water, making it plain that he must have over indulged the night before; his mouth had that vile, pasty feeling that always came from a night of unchecked imbibing. Even the gorram air felt thick.

He forced his eyes open, shading them this time with his hand, realizing with a grunt of disgust that he'd passed out in his clothes. What the hell had he--? He pushed himself up suddenly as snatches of his argument with Inara came back to him, moaning as the motion made his stomach roil and his head pound even harder. Hanging his head between his knees, he concentrated on breathing through his nose, a new sort of sick feeling rising in him that had nothing to do with the aftereffects of the alcohol as more of his memories returned.

Christ. Had he thrown her off the ship last night?

No, but damn near to it, he realized, wishing, not for the first time, that his powers of drunken recollection weren’t so damned sharp. What if she took him up on it? What if she packed up what little she had left on his ship, in his life, and just…left?

It’d be for good this time, he was certain.

 _Good_ , a part of him said. It would be easier if she were gone, simpler. He could forget about her and get back to doing what he should be doing.

Which was what? he asked himself.

_Keep the ship flying, keep the crew fed, stay one step ahead of the Alliance._

And?

_And what?_

Good question, he thought, hearing the echo in his mind: _Good answer._

He'd been miserable when she was gone, turning in on himself, existing, surviving out of sheer will and stubbornness.

_And living?_

Living well enough, he told himself.

 _No you weren't_ , he replied, knowing it for the lie it was. _Not like how you wanted._

Mal scoffed. Wanted? Want was somethin' he wasn't allowed to have. Want wasn't somethin' that had any say in the decisions he had to make. Wantin' got him hopin' for somethin' that weren't there, somethin' he had no right to; somethin' he didn't even remember what it was. Wantin' wasn't needin'.

_And what if you need her?_

He didn't, he denied stubbornly. Didn't need her, didn't need—

 _Yes you do_ , he told himself, just as stubbornly, _and you gorram well know it._ He needed her to _live_. Not to survive. Not to exist. But to live.

And did he need to live?

Mal thought about that. For a long time he considered whether or not existing was enough, if surviving was all that mattered, and if so, why? To what end? If he wasn’t living, then what was the point?

Did he need to live? Did he want to?

He knew the answer. Knew it in his heart because she'd allowed him to see. He'd just been too damned stubborn to.

That day, when he left Inara with the crew, left her to get the message out, the only regret he’d had at that moment was for her; for not doing more - to keep her in his life, to show her what he felt, to treat her the way she deserved to be treated. He’d wished for more time, then, wished for the chance to go back and do it over, to make it all mean more than the bickering, the name-calling, the distance they’d enforced between each other. To make it mean more than that one shared look between them.

It had all seemed so pointless then, the fighting, all of it. What did it all matter in the long run? What had it saved them from, except being with each other?

 _Tianna_ , he was an idiot.

Mal lurched to his feet, swallowing the uncomfortable lump in his throat that felt something like dread. He swayed as he dragged his suspenders up onto his shoulders; he had to talk to her. Apologize. Make things right. Try to save the only chance he had for…

 _Love, damn it_ , he swore at himself, angry for stumbling over the thought. He loved her; he'd known it for almost as long as he'd known her. It was damn time he admitted it was what he wanted, what he needed.

He didn't know how he was going to deal with her taking clients, with having to share her. He didn’t expect he'd like it, but he knew for damn sure he'd like it a hell of a lot less if she wasn't on _Serenity_ anymore; that weren't an option. Which left accepting that he could have only as much of her as she was willing to give him, and being happy with that. And if that meant she was still gonna take clients, then he was just going to have to deal.

Because he needed her. Because he loved her.

Resolved, he climbed out of his bunk, all bloodshot eyes and wild hair, just as Zoe came up the steps toward him.

Mal froze as he saw her, everything else from the day before rushing back to him – the job with the women, the drop-off this morning – and he cursed, realizing he must already be late. Sighing, he gave her an acknowledging wave and dropped back into his bunk to make himself a little more presentable, resigned that talking to Inara was going to have to wait.

~~*~~

She stared at herself in the mirror, face pale and wan, noting the dark circles that stained the skin beneath her eyes. She’d barely slept, plagued by bouts of anger and recrimination, sadness and regret - helped in no small way by the bottle Mal had left behind - and no amount of cover up was going to conceal the fact, even if she’d had any to use.

Sighing, Inara smoothed a hand through her hair, trying to tame the tangles. She needed a shower. And a pot of hot tea. The first would have to wait, but she could at the very least make herself some tea – once she got out of these wretched boots, she thought. In fact, she wanted out of these clothes altogether, the pants and long-sleeved shirt feeling hot and constricting, and far less comfortable than she wanted to think about.

She pulled the shirt over her head and tossed it onto the bed irritably, then bent to unfasten the boots and finally pull them off, socks and all. The rest followed, pants and underwear joining the shirt and socks; she reveled in the sudden unconfined freedom. _What had she been thinking,_ she asked herself, appreciating the feel of the cool metal floor beneath her bare feet. Those weren’t her clothes. They were Mal’s clothes. Mal’s tastes, Mal’s style, Mal’s practicality. So what had she been doing? Play acting? Pretending she could be like one of them, help him on jobs? _Ai ya…_

Sighing, she moved to her pitiful collection of dresses; she needed to feel like herself again. She considered the blue one, light, and airy… _good answer_ Shook her head. It held too many memories she was not yet ready to re-embrace; she settled on the red instead, the one she’d worn the day he’d come for her at the Training House.

She let out a slow breath, closing her eyes as she backed up to sit on the bed, clutching the dress in her lap as she sat. Memories there too. Memories attached to all of them.

_You tellin’ me that ‘cause you think I don’t know?_

_…you fog things up!_

_I wish like hell you was elsewhere._

His words echoed in her head and she sniffed, rubbing at her suddenly treacherous nose, feeling the weight of sadness settle over her, pushing at the anger.

Maybe she’d been foolish, staying here; naïve to think there was a chance… She’d stayed to see what would come of this thing between them, hadn’t taken a client, couldn’t, until she’d seen it through. But if there was nothing left to wait for…

Inara opened her eyes and looked around, taking in the walls that surrounded her, had surrounded her for so long. This would be the last time, she knew; if she left this time, there’d be no coming back. She felt a tight, heavy sense of loss squeeze her chest, felt her breath hitch. She didn’t want to leave, _Serenity_ or him, but she felt her options tumbling away, beyond her control. Everything had been out of control, from the moment she’d met him.

She shook her head in frustration, her anger surging through her again. Damn him, he made her so mad! He was the most stubborn… obstinate… pig-headed… _chǔn dàn gǎo guài xiù_ , she ranted to herself, swiping angrily at the moisture that pricked her eyes; she would _not_ cry over him, not again.

She stood, pacing the length of her shuttle, back and forth, again and again. No, she hadn’t wanted to go back to work so soon, not while they had finally decided to give this relationship idea a chance. But she would. She would do what she had to do – just like he would – to ensure _Serenity_ kept flying. They weren’t so very different on that score; _zhòu mà_ , they were too damn much alike, that was half the problem.

She'd known from the beginning that her work was the one thing they were never going to compromise on, never going to get past. No matter what her heart might want.

She sighed. It didn't matter any more. None of it mattered. He wanted her off, and as much as she would hate to leave again, she couldn't bear to stay if he didn't want her here.

Inara was pulled out of her thoughts by a sudden, deep echo of metal on metal and the telltale shudder of two artificial gravities colliding - another ship docking; the women, she realized - before the two ships adjusted their rotation and the gravities resolved. She felt the subtle shift in pressure a moment later as the air locks were engaged.

Hearing voices in the cargo bay, Mal's among them, she moved to her bed and slipped her dress on, sighing as the silky material flowed over her body. It felt good to be back in her own clothes, she thought; felt like herself. She spent a few quick moments fixing her hair and then, while Mal was distracted below, took the opportunity to head up to the galley, relieved that she would not have to deal with him yet. The last thing she felt like doing was talking to Mal.

~~*~~

He didn't know what it was that made him look up at that moment, but he did, and it was just in time to catch Inara as she made her way to the galley - without glancing back at him.

She was wearing a dress, Mal noticed, the red one he remembered from when he'd gone to get her at the Training House. _What did that signify?_ he wondered. The fact that she wasn't wearin' the clothes he bought her wasn't too hard to figure out; no doubt she was pissed as all get out at him; message received, loud and clear. Was that all the dress was though? Just something to wear instead of the things he'd given her? Or was it something more? An indication of what direction her thoughts were leading her... as in, back to the Training House? Or was he puttin' too much significance on the dress? Mayhaps it was the only one clean; wasn't like she had a whole lot of 'em on board.

The sight of her in it surely brought back memories, though. The way her eyes had flashed when she'd seen him, full of anger and worry and somethin' else that had warmed him. And how she'd fought with him; not with _him_ , but _with_ him, had his back, and her quick thinking what had let them escape. It had been so gorram good to see her, it had all felt almost... fun.

But then there was Haven and Miranda and the rest of it, he remembered, sighing.

But she'd stayed.

She had. And that sure as _diyu_ weren't nothin'. _I'm here right now, and I want to be here_ she'd said. He wanted her here, that was a fact. And there were only two ways of that that he could see... She stayed, took clients, and they were together, or she stayed, took clients, and they weren't.

"Sir," Zoe's voice came sharply, snapping him out of his reverie. He shook off his thoughts, frowning at Zoe's impatience with him even though he knew she was right and his mind should be to the job. Of course, he still weren't exactly happy with the job, or Zoe, and that, in combination with the persistent pounding in his skull, didn't make him particularly inclined to hide the fact. The way she shook her head and rolled her eyes at him didn't exactly improve his mood either, and when Loh's man appeared at the airlock, Mal motioned Zoe ahead, a clearly sarcastic 'be my guest' in the gesture that had her glaring at him just as fiercely as he was at her.

Eyes narrowing, Zoe went ahead to sort out the particulars with their contact while Mal hung back and watched. He recognized the man from when they'd met in Loh's office; he hadn't much cared for the look of him then, and his opinion didn't seem likely to change. Something about the man just put him off, set his hackles up and made him wary. But everything seemed to be on the up and up and soon the man was motioning for his 'cargo' to make their way onto Serenity.

Mal braced himself: for their faces, for their slumped postures and defeated eyes, their malnourished bodies and ragged clothes, ready to hate himself for taking on such a job.

But then the first woman - girl really - bounded onto his boat, all blinding smiles and bright eyes, taking him aback some. Her dress was modest, but clean, even pretty, and she seemed genuinely excited to be aboard.

Mal guarded against the relief that wanted to sweep through him. It could be a fluke, could just be a daughter of one of Loh's upper echelon... but no. The rest of the women were the same; clean, curious faces, full of anticipation. And if there was a faint shadow of desperation that clung to them, if they were leaner rather than not, it only brought into focus the hope that shone in their eyes; hope for a better life. One woman even took his hand and thanked him for agreeing to take them on, her honest gratitude echoed by the rest as Mal nodded awkwardly.

Then Kaylee was there, directing the women to their makeshift bunks and Mal finally allowed himself to release some of the tension he'd been holding. Maybe, just maybe, this job was going to work out after all.

Feeling somewhat more optimistic, he made his way over to where Zoe was finalizing the transaction, knowing she'd recognize his acceptance and that he had her back by his presence.

"As agreed, we have rations for two day's transport," Loh's man was saying, indicating the large cargo crates behind him.

Zoe nodded, her gaze sliding to the side to take in Mal. "Captain'll help you with that," she said slyly, hefting the bag of platinum the man handed over with a satisfying clink. She gave Mal a look, her eyebrow raised, before strolling back aboard Serenity, a contented smirk on her lips.

Mal watched her go, a protest on his tongue, but she was gone before he had a chance to voice it. He blew out a sigh, running his hand through his hair. Damn he hated fighting with Zoe.

~~*~~

Hours later, Inara wove between the cots set up in the main cargo hold, sharing smiles and gentle reassurances with the women they had taken on board, though her heart wasn't in it. She didn't bother pretending to herself that she wasn't trying to avoid Mal; she'd deliberately come down here for that purpose when he'd followed her from the galley. She could still feel his presence above, where she knew he stood on the catwalk, but she stubbornly refused to look up at him.

She'd kept out of her shuttle for most of the day, not wanting to get cornered into a conversation with him there, preferring instead to keep to the areas of the ship that offered her more than one means of exit. She had managed to evade him particularly well, excusing herself from whichever crewmember she happened to be in the company of the moment she heard or saw him approach.

Not exactly subtle, perhaps, but effective.

But this time he'd been fast enough to see her go and had followed after her. And in the absence of a quick avenue of escape, she'd opted instead for the safety of the women, aware that she was only prolonging the inevitable; she was just as trapped with them as she would have been in her shuttle. But, as far as she was concerned, the longer she could put off their impending confrontation the better. Maybe that made her a coward but she had no desire to rush into what was bound to be a difficult and painful exchange with him.

She'd had all day to think, about her career, about her options, about him. Her conclusions hadn't offered much hope for their future. She feared the best she could hope for, if she wanted to stay, was that Mal might give in and let her rent the shuttle, let her stay and help support _Serenity_ … and they would be over. The worst, he would throw her off and not look back. Or, depending on whatever would be said between them, she would leave herself, for good. No matter which way it went, any hope she had for the two of them felt as fruitless as… as fruitless as hoping Mal would give up his penchant for calling her 'whore' and join up with the Alliance.

Inara sighed. She loved this ship; she loved the crew and she loved the freedom, and she even loved him, _especially_ loved him. But in the greater scheme of things… what did that amount to? She'd gambled, gave herself the chance to follow her heart, and it had proven foolish.

She looked at the faces around her, happy and filled with hope, and none of it touched her. It was time, she sighed, resigned. Time to give up this dream, to forsake this path and return to the one she knew she could see through to the end…

~~*~~  
  
Mal rested his elbows on the dusty railing with a sigh, frustrated with Inara's avoidance tactics, but not willing to go down and confront her in front of all the women; he was damn sure she knew it too. He sighed again. The throbbing in his head had settled down to a dull hammering but his stomach still wasn't up to sudden movements. He tensed for a moment when Zoe slid silently into place beside him, shame biting sharply at him. "Seem to be settlin' in well and all," he offered first, nodding at the women below.

"They do at that, sir," Zoe answered just as solemnly, knowing he was working his way around to a 'sorry'.

Mal cleared his throat. "Conjure we ought to load up on supplies when we hit Callas," he said, "seein’ as how we got the coin. Should have enough to last us a good few weeks… Thanks to you."

Zoe fought a smile. Mal being humble and grateful all at the same time, well, that wasn't something a girl got to see every day. She waited a long second to respond, holding his feet to the fire for just a bit longer. "Was both of us took the job, as I recall; you just didn't know it at the time," she finally answered, smirking lightly at his look. "But since it's on my head - s’pose I should get somethin' out of it. Had my eye on a new stock."

Mal nodded. Normally he’d leave it at that, let things go back to normal between them as they usually did, but somehow it didn’t seem like enough. "Were right," he started out roughly, eyes staring straight ahead although he could sense the surprise from her. "Both times." He shook his head, sighing heavily. "Weren’t for you, we’d be driftin’. Conjure I owe you for that, an’ a whole lot more besides—"

"Sir—"

"Think I’m gettin’ scared, Zo," he pushed on, the words grinding in his throat like glass. "After Book an'... Wash, I... Gettin' scared a' losin' anyone else..."

Zoe paused, his unexpected vulnerability causing her to swallow hard. It still surprised her, how just hearing Wash's name could cause a sudden shaft of pain to go through her heart, but she also suspected Mal had been blaming himself for a long while now. A good cleansing was due.

"He wouldn't have had it any other way, you know," she told him softly, eyes on the women moving below them. "Know you think he just followed me cause I was followin' you, like always; but he wouldn't a run in any case. He was a strong man. A good man. His dyin' wasn't your fault, sir."

"Weren’t it?" he challenged, looking at her now, feeling irrationally angry that she would refute his guilt. He wanted her anger, gorram it! Deserved it. "I put him in the chair. Was my decision that brought River back on board when we coulda been free an’ clear. Hell, that put every one of us in the damn chair! Next time it could just as easily be you, or Kaylee, or--!"

"Or you." She met his guilt full on, sorrow and knowing in her eyes. "Sir, this isn’t yours to carry. The government’s man, he’s the one that pushed us into a corner, left us no way out but Miranda. You think you could have handed him that child? Given him that beautiful, broken girl to use again? That ain’t the man I know you to be.

"Stayed by you all these years, Mal, because you never ask others to go where you won’t go first. And you’re not holding any of us here – nothin’ ‘cept the love of you keepin’ us on this boat. Wash and Shepherd Book, they knew the danger. We know what we’re runnin’ the risk of. Reckon that’s the way it is, sir."

Zoe’s gaze followed Inara as the Companion worked the cargo bay, checking on each woman there, offering a smile, a few words of welcome, the promise of a simple meal later. She turned to look at Mal. "Bein’ scared means you’re livin’ again. Got somethin’ to live for again – a reason to care whether you make it back from a job or not. I been waitin’, hopin’, for the day to come that you’d have that, sir."

"Didn’t ask for it," he said obstinately, his eyes drawn down to Inara despite himself. Didn't mean he didn't want it. He closed his eyes, the guilt still weighing on him. "Weren’t a fair trade, losin’ Wash…" he whispered, swallowing thickly. "If I could make the choices again, Zoe—"

"You'd what? Walk away? Turn your back on those people? On that wrong?" Zoe's snort of disbelief caught the attention of a few of the passengers below, who took one look at Mal's dark face and quickly turned back to their business. "Maybe that was our purpose, sir, our reason for bein' put in this 'verse - to speak for the dead. Or maybe we was just in the right place at the wrong time - I don't know. Do know that you got to forgive yourself, Mal. What we went through was a war. Think we know better than most that lives are lost in battle no matter how hard you wish it otherwise. You didn't ask for this but it's here and I want you to have it, sir. Your bein' happy doesn't make my grief worse, Mal." Zoe placed a soft hand on his shoulder. "It lessens it."

Mal turned to stare after her as she headed for the stairs, fighting back the swell of emotion in his throat, half of him grateful, the other half wanting to tell her she was wrong, that he didn’t deserve the kind of happiness he’d robbed her of, even as his head told him what she said was true.

"Zo?" he called after her, waiting until she stopped and turned back, questioning. "Why is it you been fightin' me so much, you don't blame me for..." He made a motion with his shoulder in place of the name.

"'Cause we needed that job, sir. An'... 'cause you can't be soft," she answered quietly. She came back a few steps. "Said it yourself, you're gettin' scared, and we can't afford to let you, sir. You start doubting, start second-guessing on the job, that's what's gonna get one of us dead. You're the one's got to make the decisions, you got to be able to make 'em without hesitating."

Mal closed his eyes with a sigh, nodding. It took him less than an instant to recognize that this was the truth too. He had always been able to trust Zoe to give it to him, and he was grateful for it now. "I know," he said.

"Know you know it, sir; was just remindin' you a time or two."

He nodded. Zoe answered with a nod of her own, and that was that.

Mal watched her go, feeling a measure of relief ease over him that he and Zoe were back to normal, and he almost missed her - Inara - as she tried to sneak by and up to her shuttle. Time to set things right there.

"Inara, _děng dài fēn zhōng; qí,_ " he called after her softly, his voice catching her at the foot of the stairs that led to her airlock.

~~*~~

It was the 'please' that stopped her; he so rarely used the word, so accustomed to giving orders, and to hear him use it now, to hear him _ask_ , **that** stopped her. She half-turned to face him. " _Shén me?_ " she answered, eyeing him warily as he walked toward her.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" he asked.

She looked away, swallowed; stalled. "I'm busy, Mal," she said coolly. "I have a lot to do." Her eyes flicked back up to his. "Arrangements to make."

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about," he persisted.

She held his gaze for a moment before she looked away again and finally relented, motioning him up the stairs.

"I don't want a fight, Mal," Inara said wearily as they entered the shuttle and she turned to face him.

Mal pulled the hatch shut behind them. "I didn't come here to fight," he promised.

"Then why did you?" she asked, not convinced.

He drew in a slow breath, trying to steel his nerves. _Now or never_ , he told himself. "Had a lot to drink last night," he started uncomfortably, not failing to notice the way she crossed her arms defensively – protectively – and looked away. She was hurting. Damn him but he could see it, whether it was because he was learning to read her or she chose to let him see, he didn't know, but he saw it. And not only that, but she was _expecting_ to be hurt, here, now, by him. Again.

"Said some things I didn't mean to. Things I regret sayin'…" he said softly, taking hold of one of her hands, gently coaxing her arms to unfold. "Been feelin' like I'm backed into a corner, like I ain't got no good options," he went on earnestly, hopeful when she didn't pull away. "Tends to get my back up an' I maybe like to make the stubborn choices 'stead of the smart ones; take things out on them as don't deserve it…"

Inara stared at him, blinking hard, utterly astounded. Was he… _apologizing_? Of all the words – accusations, insults, derision – that she'd anticipated hearing from his lips, nothing could stun her more than what he'd just said. _Réncí de fózu_ , things actually might not be hopeless, she marveled.

Mal squeezed her hand. "Figure we can be to your Trainin' House a day or two after we drop the women off at Callas," he said carefully.

Inara blinked again, the breath she'd finally drawn freezing in her chest. So. It _was_ over. He hadn't meant what he'd said, but he still wanted her to leave. Why then had he apologized? Was he just softening the blow? It would have been easier if he'd just let her go, she lamented, bowing her head in despair.

"We can pick up your stuff and get you settled in your shuttle again in no time--"

Her head whipped up, eyes going wide. " _Nín shuō shén me?_ " she asked, breathless, her mouth falling open in shock.

Mal stepped closer, taking her other hand in his as he drew her to him. "What you said maybe weren't far off, 'bout me sabotaging my own happiness," he said solemnly. He brought one hand up to brush a lock of hair from her shoulder, his thumb brushing along her neck in a tender caress. "I'll be honest with you, Inara," he said, meeting her gaze truthsomely, "don't know how well I'm gonna be able to handle you takin' clients… but I'll try."

Inara stared at him. Had she been able to form a coherent thought at that moment, she would have realized she'd been wrong - _those words_ could stun her more, had stunned her more than anything she could imagine. " _Mal_ ," she said, his name barely a whisper on her lips for lack of breath, she was so stunned.

He cupped her face between his hands, bringing her forehead close to his. "I don't want you to leave," he said roughly, his voice thick with emotion.

"I don't want to leave," she whispered, shaking her head against his, lips trembling.

"Then stay," he asked, offered, all at once, hoping against hope.

She stared back at him, her eyes tracing over his features, returning to meet his gaze as she drew in a deep breath… and rolled the dice.

"Okay."


	14. The One Less Traveled By

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mal and Inara work on getting over the new awkwardness between them and Zoe teases Mal a bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _So, here it is, some six years - yes I know, six years - after the last part. In truth, wasn’t sure I was ever going to be able to come back to this fic, but I’ve been bit by the firefly bug (heh, see what I did there) once again, and found the words came pouring out, so here’s another installment, and there’s even another almost fully written to follow in a short while :) Thanks go to my dearest[](http://terimaru.livejournal.com/profile)_[terimaru](http://terimaru.livejournal.com/), who, as always, encouraged me as I worked through writing this. You are the best, darlin’. To those of you who read, thanks for taking the time after all these years. I surely do appreciate it, and I hope you enjoy.
> 
> * * *

Inara keyed in her access code and waited for her connection to the cortex to resolve. Less than twelve hours ago she had expected to make this wave for entirely different reasons, had thought she’d be leaving the ship and returning to her old life. Now, it felt like she was starting a new one.

She still marvelled at the turn of events that had led her to this moment, that they’d managed to overcome the obstacle of her work - that _Mal_ had. _So far_ , she added silently. Though he’d agreed to let her rent the shuttle again, he was still going to have to deal with her actually taking clients while they were doing this... _relationship_ her mind provided, chiding her for her hesitation. Yes, relationship. She was certain there were likely to be many more battles on the road ahead for them, but she did not underestimate how significant this step was.  
It still felt precarious, this _relationship_ of theirs. Had it really only been days since they started this? Well, months was more accurate really, years even. The attraction had been there from the first. But the love - she smiled to herself at the admission - the love had grown over time. And then, _really_ just days ago, finally, she had kissed him. It still made her giddy and shivery and even anxious to think of them taking this step. There was still a lot of uncertainty. Hope too, but it was still a scary, foreign, exhilarating thing.

Drawing a fortifying breath, she scrolled through her index until she found the entry for the Training House and sent a connection signal. It was Sheydra who answered.

“Inara! This is a surprise," the other woman said. “I honestly wasn’t sure I’d be hearing from you again. You’re not giving up ‘the pirate life’ are you?"

Inara smiled indulgently; her friend enjoyed teasing her altogether too much. “I must apologize, again, Sheydra, for the disruption to the House-"

“Oh, don’t be absurd," the House Mother interrupted with a shake of her head, and then more seriously, “We’re just glad you’re alright."

“ _Xiè xie_ ," Inara replied gratefully.

“So? _Are_ you going to come back to us?"

“We should be planet side within the week. I’d like to arrange to have my things prepared so they can be moved back into my shuttle here. I’ll be resuming my work from _Serenity._ "

“ _Bù rán_! You really are leaving us?!" Sheydra exclaimed, dismayed. “Is there nothing I can offer to make you stay?"

Inara’s eyes slid away from the other woman’s, at a loss to explain her reasons without revealing too much. Not that it made much difference to the Companion on the view screen.

“Ahh. I see," Sheydra said, her lips curving in understanding. “Your ‘pirate’."

Inara fought the flush that she could feel creeping up her neck, but lifted her gaze to meet her friend’s eyes again. “Yes," she admitted.

Sheydra shook her head. “I really hate that we’re losing you. But, if it’s for love..." she sighed melodramatically, a twinkle in her eyes. “We’ll have your belongings packed - if you’re sure, Inara?"

She nodded. “I’m sure," she said.

“Then we’ll see you in a few days. _Zhù fú ni._ "

“And you."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mal watched as Inara came down into the galley, relief mixed in him with some emotion he suspected might be happiness. That she was still gonna be here on his boat, was _stayin'_ , was near miraculous all things considered and he wasn't planning to take it for granted.

"By tomorrow we should make Callas and we'll drop off the women," he said by way of a greeting. “Then we can head for your House, get your things."

"Precisely 6:37 pm, planet time," said River absently as she concentrated on stacking her protein wafers in a favourable manner. Her eyes shifted to the Captain's. "4:03 am ship time. Eight hours and forty-eight minutes from... now," she added before returning to her stacking.

Mal smiled at his young pilot wryly. "Precisely?" he asked, teasing lightly. Her eyes cut back to his in mock annoyance and he grinned.

"I've waved the House and let them know to expect us. Everything should be ready to go when we arrive," Inara said carefully, smiling at their play as she sat.

Kaylee looked from Mal to Inara hopefully. "You're stayin'?!" she exclaimed, and with a squeal rushed to envelop Inara in a hug when the Companion nodded and smiled.

"We gonna get off’n the ship this time?" Jayne asked around a mouthful of protein, his mind filled with the imagined delights of a Companion Training House. The rest of the crew present looked to the Captain with hopeful eagerness.

"'Be up to Inara, I expect," Mal said and Inara looked at him in surprise.

"Well I… If you want, that is- We could spend a day or two there, if you'd care to," she said, directing her words to Mal but it was Jayne who answered her.

"Hell yes I care to!" he said emphatically. Inara rolled her eyes over at him.

"They're Companions-in- _training_ , Jayne. None of them are going to sleep with you "

"What about the teachers?" he asked with a lascivious grin.

"Oh! Do Companions take clients while they're teachin'?" Kaylee asked, linking her arm with Inara's, genuinely curious.

Inara was very conscious of Mal's sudden interest in what her answer was going to be. "It depends on the individual," she said, her eyes flicking to meet his briefly. "I didn't but others do. In any case," she continued, turning back to the mercenary, "if we do stay, they will not be servicing you or anyone else on the crew."

Jayne frowned. "Aw, that's no fun," he said, disappointed in her answer.

"There are other towns on the world, I'm certain you'll manage to find something to entertain you," Inara consoled, rolling her eyes.

"'Better," Jayne groused, getting up from the table.

That seemed to be the cue for the rest of the crew and they began to clear up their dishes, leaving just Mal at the table with Inara as she put together a plate of the same dried protein wafers that had comprised dinner for the past few days. She had to admit, she looked forward to when they would reach Callas and be able to resupply and - hopefully - buy some real food. She was about to say so when Mal stood up as well.

"Best make it an early night, people, four a.m.'s gonna come fast," he called after everyone as they made their way out of the room. He gave her a quick smile, unsure what to say next without the buffer of the others there between them. Though he’d averted the colossal disaster he’d almost made of things, there was still a certain amount of uneasiness lingering between the two of them.

"Will you be going to sleep now?" Inara asked, trying to break the tension.

Mal nodded, grateful for the topic. "Gotta get a couple hours before I relieve Zoë," he said, moving to rinse his dishes. "She's been keepin' watch over our passengers."

"Right," Inara said; she’d forgotten about their watch.  
  
Mal stacked his plate and came back to stand by the table. They stared at each other a moment silently until Mal finally cleared his throat. "Well, guess I'm off then," he said awkwardly.

"Right," she said again, feeling just as awkward. “Good night." There was another heavy silence before Mal nodded and propelled himself out of the room, leaving Inara to the empty kitchen and her plate of protein strips.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A few short hours later, Mal climbed out of his bunk and made his way to the galley. He put some water on to boil and went about preparing two cups of protein-enhanced coffee - one for himself and one for his first mate - carrying them both with him carefully, once they were ready, to the cargo bay where Zoë was on watch.

She greeted him with a nod, taking the cup from him gratefully, savouring the warmth on her hands and the smell as she closed her eyes and inhaled, then raised the cup to him in thanks.

“So?" Zoë asked after she took a sip, tilting her head in the direction if Inara's shuttle. “You sort things out with Inara?" she asked, picking up from their conversation the day before.

Mal nodded, swallowing a mouthful of his own bitter brew. “Did. She’ll be staying. Gonna swing by her House ‘n get her things after we finish the job." He swallowed again, leaning on the railing with artificial nonchalant-ness as he turned his gaze down to their sleeping cargo. “She, uh… she’s gonna be takin’ clients again," he said, avoiding her eyes.

Zoë nodded thoughtfully, taking another sip of her coffee. “‘s what she does," she said matter-of-factly. She looked at him, knowing it was going to be a spot of contention for him. “Ain't like you didn't know what she was when you fell in love with her, sir," she said, not unkindly.

He gave a sharp nod. “Yeah, but it was safer then, when I didn't think she’d ever…" he trailed off with a shrug.

“Love you back?"

He sighed, closing his eyes.

“Mal," she said softly, laying her hand on his arm in an uncharacteristic moment of intimacy. “You can't change who she is. ‘You don't accept that…" she trailed off, leaving the thought unspoken but he knew what she was saying.

Clearing his throat uncomfortably, he stood back up, letting the motion pull his arm from her touch. “They all ready to head out in the morning?" he asked, changing the subject with a nod towards the women below.

“Seem to be," Zoë replied, letting the matter drop. With Mal, you had to know when to push and when to back off or risk him digging his heels in out of pure stubbornness. And she knew he didn't need any more reason to be stubborn where Inara was concerned. “Loh’s man on Callas ‘s to be waitin’ at the coordinates he gave."

Mal nodded, his equilibrium returning with the switch of topics. “Good. Be real shiny ‘have somethin’ go smooth for a change."

“‘Magine it will, sir. Speakin’ of, you gonna make Inara _come_ this time," Zoë asked, grinning devilishly when Mal choked on the last of his coffee at her double entendre.

He could feel the heat that spread up his face and knew he was probably red to the ears. “Woman, you got a mean streak," he groused, though he couldn't bring himself to really be angry, seeing the smile on his first mate’s face, one that he struggled to keep from his own lips.

“Conjure you must be tired," he said brightly, changing the subject yet again, smiling at the short laugh the woman gave at that. "’Can handle things here, Zo’. Go get some sleep."

Zoë smirked and held her hand out for his empty cup. “Good night, sir," she said, laughter still in her voice as he handed it over and she headed up to the galley.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Inara’s eyes opened in the darkness, listening for what had woken her. The sound came again and she realized it was Mal’s voice, carrying into the shuttle through its slightly open doors; she’d taken to leaving them cracked open at night, needing to feel closer to Serenity and less isolated from her crew. Zoë's voice came floating to her then and she remembered Mal had said he'd be coming to take over the watch from her.

She listened to them talk, though she couldn't hear the words, and found herself smiling when she heard a laugh from the - lately - often reserved first mate, glad to hear their easiness with each other had returned.

When she heard the fading sound of Zoë's boots on the grates as the woman left Mal to his watch and headed up to the kitchen, Inara lifted the blankets and swung her feet down into her slippers, deciding at that moment to take the opportunity to have a relatively private moment with him and try and work on alleviating their own awkwardness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mal looked up as he heard the door to Inara's shuttle slide open, swallowing as she made her way across the catwalk toward him.

"Hey there," he said softly, surprised to see her and still a little frazzled by Zoë's teasing, worried suddenly that she might have overheard. "Trouble sleepin'?" he asked in a slightly strangled way.

Inara shrugged lightly, aware of his discomfort. "I thought you might like some company," she said, not entirely sure he would.

"Would be a sight more pleasant way to pass the time," he agreed with a smile, eyes on her.

Pleased, she smiled back, then turned to look down to the cargo bay where the women were all asleep in their cots while Mal kept vigil over them.

“Are you feeling better about this job now?" she asked him.

“Some," he acknowledged. “Still wantin’ to see what it is we’re leavin’ ‘em to, but things seem more… optimistic than I’d feared."

“I’m glad."

“Yeah."

They were quiet for a long moment, the uneasiness they’d felt earlier at dinner still filling the space between them.

"So, you and Zoë? Things seem to be better?" Inara asked finally, feeling the need to say something before the silence grew to uncomfortable proportions

“Yeah! Yeah," Mal said, flushing again as he looked over his shoulder the way his first mate had gone, ensuring that she wasn't there peeping. “Worked that out."

“Good! That’s... Good."

“Yep."

They fell silent again, struggling to find the ease that they had found, before; before the argument that had almost ended things.

"I feel like-," she started.

"This is-," he said at the same time.

They looked at each other. "Awkward," they both said, laughing lightly.

Their smiles faded as they let their gazes drop and Mal swallowed past the ball of regret that was tightening his throat. He looked up as he felt Inara's hand on his arm.

"We'll get past it," she said, bravely.

He let out a heavy sigh. "You sure about that?" he asked, his eyes revealing his uncertainty.

Inara drew in a breath and pulled herself up to her full height, her eyes meeting his firmly. "I'm sure," she said, nodding.

Mal swallowed again, taking one of her hands in his, his gaze focussing on her delicate fingers. "I can be a bit of a hun dan, Inara. Maybe more'n a bit," he warned.

Inara's smile widened. "This is not something of which I am unaware," she teased, stepping closer. "Mal," she said softly when he didn't look up, waiting until he raised his eyes to hers.

She kissed him; softly, demanding nothing, relieved to feel some of the tension leave them. They both closed their eyes and she felt his hands move to her waist.

“Don’t wanna wreck this," he said against her lips, "but I‘m awful good at wrecking things."

“About as good as I am at running from them," she agreed soberly.

He met her eyes at that, encouraged by her admission.

“But neither of us is going to let that happen, are we," she continued; a statement, not a question.

A smile he couldn’t contain quirked his lips as a sense of relief finally began to steal over him, grateful that she was so certain. “I sure as _di yu_ aim not to," he avowed, letting his hands slide low around her back. He pulled her against him, thrilling at the little gasp she gave, feeling bold now.

“‘You be opposed if I were to kiss you about now?" he asked, voice rumbling low in his chest in a way that lit a curl of desire deep in her belly. His jaw brushed the side of her face and she leaned into the touch, eyes sliding shut as he nuzzled against her.

“I _might_ not complain," she replied, voice a little breathless, fingers tightening against his chest. Her lips parted softly as his mouth brushed her chin.

“Think I’m gonna risk it," he teased in warning, pleased at the way her breath quickened and her head tilted toward him.

She had no witty comeback beyond the needful sound that was swallowed by his mouth as their lips met and opened. It had been days since they’d last kissed like this, but neither of them were prepared for the intensity that flared between them, sudden and hot.

She clenched the fabric of his shirt in her fists as he leaned into her, bowing her backward slightly with his height, one hand dragging up her back and into her hair, trailing a line of shivers along her spine through the thin, silky material of her nightdress. Pulling him closer, Inara let her tongue sweep into his mouth, feeling a corresponding pulse from his body where he was pressed against her stomach. His other hand pulled her tighter against him, splaying wide across her lower back as a sound, deep and feral came from his mouth into hers. Unclenching her hands, she scored her nails down and around his sides, smiling against his lips at the tensing of his muscles and the way his fingers tangled in her hair, tightening in response, before she sunk back into his kiss.

Gasping for air, they broke apart finally, eyes wide and chests heaving, flushed with arousal.

"Surely wish there weren't the need for a watch tonight," Mal said, breathing harshly, bringing his forehead to rest against hers.

Heart beating fast and hard, Inara gave him a shaky smile, leaning close to whisper in his ear. "They won't be here tomorrow night," she said breathlessly, meeting his eyes to be sure he took her meaning.

He stared back, suddenly finding it hard to draw his own breath and he swallowed roughly. "Tomorrow, then?" he said, his voice heavy with the question.

"Tomorrow," she agreed and stepped backwards, eyes not leaving his until she was safely in the shuttle, the door fully closed between them.

Mal watched her go, wondering how much of a fool he must be for letting her leave alone instead of following her into her shuttle and taking the night to the conclusion they both so desperately wanted. But he had a job to do, and a crew to look out for, and as hard as it was to stay behind, they had their promise of ‘tomorrow’ to look forward to.

Still, he thought, dragging a shaky hand through his hair as he turned back to scan the cargo bay below him, it was going to be _long_ night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mal hadn't been lying when he'd said 4:00 am would come early, and 3:30 was even worse. Inara shivered as she set her feet onto the chilly floor of the shuttle, closing her eyes for a long moment as she struggled to shake off the sleep that still tugged at her, urging her with its seductive pull to lie back down, if even for just half an hour.

Sleep had not come easy after she'd left Mal on the catwalk, first waiting for her body’s ardour to cool and then kept awake by thoughts that had had her mind churning. When she was with him, like that, when there were breathless kisses and their bodies strained against the chafing of their clothes for want of each other, it was appallingly easy to forget their difficulties; easy to get lost in the swell of exciting emotions and desire that obscured all else.

But after, alone and in the dark, the practical side of her resurfaced, bringing with it worry and doubts; reminding her that, in a few short days she'd be returning to work, taking clients again, and though Mal had said he'd try, she couldn't fool herself into thinking it would be that easy.

She'd meant what she said to him, and she hoped she was right, that they wouldn't just let their old habits sabotage their chance to be together. But old habits were hard to break, and Mal was not an easy man at the best of times.

This relationship of theirs was still fragile and she was afraid that without something firmer, introducing clients into the mix could shatter the trust they had been building. Would he believe her if she told him that being with a client would not be the same as being with him? That it wouldn't mean what it meant to be with him? That she wasn't betraying him every time she took another client into her bed? For her, there was no question, they were such distinct and separate things in her mind, but for him, with his ideas about sex and love and the morals he applied to both, she suspected it would not be so easy.

Sighing, she pushed the lingering thoughts from her mind and forced herself up; she wanted to be there when they landed so she could see for herself what was waiting for their passengers in their new lives.

The Callas settlement they were bound for was a mining town and, like many moons, reportedly had a dry, arid climate and was predominantly brushland with a few rocky outcrops. With that in mind she decided on the clothes Mal had bought her and the sturdy boots that would offer more protection to her feet than her usual soft, slipper-like shoes. River had told them the temperature would be cool in the evening, though nowhere near as cold as the moon they'd been stranded on the night she and Mal had first kissed - she smiled at the memory - but she suspected she'd be grateful for the warmer clothes.

Just as she finished tucking in her shirt, she heard a knock at the door and felt her insides tighten in anticipation. “ _Jin_ ," she called out, turning to face the door. But it was Kaylee, not Mal.

"Hey 'Nara," the young woman greeted brightly.

"Good morning," Inara replied, smiling warmly at Kaylee's unfailing cheer. “Though how you can be so happy at this time of day, I’m sure I don’t know," she teased as she gave a brief hug.

"It's just so shiny that you're gonna be stayin' with us again," the girl said, beaming. "Bet the Captain's pretty happy 'bout it too," she added, giving Inara a conspiratorial look.

Inara's smile faded slightly, tempered by her late night ruminations. "I think so," she said softly. "There are things that will be difficult," she continued off of Kaylee’s look. "Especially once I start taking clients again."

"Had a fight about it, huh? ‘Bout you going back to companioning?" the mechanic asked, slipping onto one of the crates that passed for a chair in the shuttle these days.

Inara couldn’t help the grin that quirked her lips at Kaylee’s derivation of ‘companion’ but it was gone as quick as it had appeared in the face of the memory of the argument and the ending it had almost been. “Yes," she nodded, no point in denying it. Kaylee had an astuteness about certain things and Inara wasn’t at all surprised the young woman had deduced the crux of the matter.

Kaylee gave Inara a sympathetic look and shook her head before her face suddenly brightened again. "Got to make up after though, right?" she grinned knowingly.

Inara laughed softly. "Yes. Though, not in the way _you_ mean," she said, shaking her head at the blush she inexplicably felt trying to steal over her.

Kaylee gave her an incredulous look, as if to say _still?_ "But, that's the best part a' fightin'!" she exclaimed, winking.

Inara shook her head again, laughing at the other woman’s cheekiness. "It _was_ a big step forward for us, though; making up. An important one," she said, growing more serious. "We're trying... learning to communicate, to talk without trying to hurt each other. And to be honest. It's not the easiest thing, for either of us."

"Don't you think the sexin' would help with that?" Kaylee asked. "It sure worked with Simon," she said grinning again.

Inara smiled at her friend and her happiness. "I don't think it can be as easy as that for us, _mei mei_. Yes, sex can bring down some barriers," she acknowledged, "but if we're not able to communicate without it, our relationship will be nothing more than that. Neither of us is very good at being open about what we're feeling."

Kaylee grimaced apologetically and nodded, unable to deny it.

"Sex alone can't sustain a relationship forever, believe me." Inara looked the other woman in the eye. "And I want more than that with Mal," she said, revealing more of herself than she normally would.

Kaylee smiled warmly and put a hand on Inara's arm, and then drew her into a hug, squeezing tightly. "Not even _really_ **good** sex?" she asked as she pulled back, the wicked gleam returning to her eyes.

Inara laughed out loud and the two of them broke into mirthful giggles. Hugging again, the Companion squeezed her friend warmly.

"I'm so glad I'm staying."

 

A short time later they emerged from her shuttle, arm in arm, to the excited hustle and bustle in the cargo bay as their passengers gathered up their belongings and prepared themselves for what the day ahead would bring.

Inara spotted Mal and Zoë down near the bay door, speaking with one of the women - Ariadne if she remembered correctly - and smiled when he chanced to look up and saw her watching.

“Excitin’, ain’t it?" Kaylee breathed and Inara agreed, though the shiver that went through her had less to do with their brides-to-be than it did with the roguish grin Mal was flashing up at her. Almost without conscious thought Inara started down the stairs, simply for the want of being near him, oblivious to the tickled smile Kaylee wore as she watched.

“When we land, want you and the rest to hang back while me an’ mine get the lay of things," Mal was saying as she approached, his eyes straying to her frequently. “Ain't like to be trouble, but might as well be cautious, _dong ma_?"

The woman nodded. “Thank you, Captain," she said. “I'll tell the others."

Zoë sidled up next to Mal as the woman walked away nodding toward Inara as she came up to them. “Why Sir," she said, full of mischief, “look who’s _coming_."

The smile dropped from Mal's face and he shot a warning glare at his first mate. “ _Huǒyǎn xiéshén_! Go make sure Jayne’s got Vera ready," he growled, shooing her off when she laughed. “Don't want to take any chances here," he called after her, shaking his head.

“Inara," Zoë greeted with a nod as she scooted by and the companion nodded in return, giving Mal a strange look as she closed the distance between them.

“What…?" she started, curious to see the scarlet flush to his cheeks. “Wait, do I want to ask?" she asked.

Mal shook his head, reaching for her hand and drawing her closer. “Mornin’," he said instead, the word a low rumble in his chest and Inara had to suppress a shiver, shaking her head at herself inwardly at the way his voice had the ability to affect her so easily.

“Good morning," she replied, smiling. She glanced around at the preparations behind them, then back to him. “Can I help?" she asked.

He gave a tilt to his head and shook it slightly. “In truth, I'd prefer it you were clear of here when we land," he said. “Something goes wrong, don't want you to be in the line of fire," he continued off her questioning look.

She frowned. “Are you really expecting trouble?" she asked lowly so the other women wouldn't hear.

“Can't say. ‘s a new contact, there's always some unknown risk involved," Mal said. “Just... be easier, knowin’ you’re safe."

“Coming up on atmo," River’s voice came over _Serenity’s_ comm speaker before Inara could answer, and they both put a hand on _Serenity’s_ hull to brace themselves.

“Hitting atmo in five, four, three, two, one."

The ship began to shudder as she entered the upper layers of the moon’s atmosphere and they reached for each other with their free hands, eyes meeting as they held on to keep their balance, sharing a smile in the quiet moment of connection to _Serenity_.

They stayed that way, waiting until the shaking stopped and the ship evened out before letting go.

“In atmo. ETA four minutes," River advised.

“Best head up now," Mal said, nodding to the steps.

“All right," she acquiesced, touching his hand briefly before going. “Be careful," she said and he squeezed her fingers, flashing her his grin again.

“Easy as pie’."


	15. All the Difference

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mal checks out the mining settlement on Callas, and he and Inara finally take their walk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Took a while to wrangle this one. There’s reams of words I wrote that never made it into this, arguments and alternate versions that threatened to derail them, but I think, I hope, it’s the right way now ;) Thanks always to my Hearts of Gold for their advice and hand holding :)_
> 
> * * *

_Serenity_ touched down on a dusty plateau, sand swirling in the wake of her engines. The mining settlement was visible in the near distance, and three figures made their way toward the ship, hands shielding their faces against the blowing desert.

Mal checked with Zoe and Jayne, receiving a nod from each that they were ready. He gave one final look behind him at the women, then up to the catwalk where Inara was standing with Kaylee before turning back and hitting the button to lower the bay doors. The chill evening air hit them as it rushed into the cargo bay and they stepped down the ramp onto the dun coloured moon, cautious and wary.

As the three figures from the settlement drew closer Mal was able to discern that there was one woman and two men in the little group. Only one of them appeared to be armed, and that one motioned for the other two to stop and made his way the last few yards alone. “You Reynolds?” he asked, nodding at Mal.

“That’s me. This is Zoe, Jayne,” Mal said, indicating his first mate and merc. “Who’re you?”

“Name’s Corbin. I’m Mr. Loh’s man.”

“An’ who’re your friends?” Mal asked, indicating the other two behind Corbin.

Corbin turned. “That’s Nell Boyer, the Magistrate, and this here is Moses Tao, the mine foreman,” he said, and the two came forward.

“Captain Reynolds,” the Magistrate greeted him. “I can’t tell you how pleased we are at your arrival. The future of Callas will be a little bit brighter after today,” she said.

“Mr. Loh instructed me to provide you with this little bonus, provided the women all arrived safe and sound,” Corbin said, holding out a small bag that clinked with the unmistakeable sound of coin. “Assuming they have?”

“Where’s their intendeds?” Mal asked, making no move to take the bag, still wary.

“Men are back at the settlement, in the tent,” the foreman said. “Hafta say they’re pretty anxious to meet their brides to be.”

“Tent?”

“We’re setting up for tomorrow's reception,” the Magistrate added when Mal still hesitated.

“Is there a problem here, Captain?” Corbin asked, eyeing the crew warily, the fingers of his right hand coming to rest on his thigh near his holster.

The movement was not lost on Mal, and the tension ratcheted up a moment while he gave the three of them another look, but then he shook his head. “No problem,” he said. “But we’ll wanna have a look for ourselves. You understand.”

“Of course, Captain,” the Magistrate cut in. “I appreciate your due diligence. It’s very commendable, and you are welcome to meet our impending groomsmen and see our community for yourself.”

Mal nodded. “Zoe,” he said, turning to her. “You wanna bring our guests out? Jayne, see to last of their rations.”

“Sir,” Zoe said with a nod and headed inside, coming back a moment later, leading the twelve women down the ramp behind her.

The Magistrate stepped forward in excitement. “My dears! Welcome to the Callas mining settlement,” she said, filling her words with momentous import. “We are so pleased to have you with us! Today marks a new beginning for all of us! Your commitment to our community - your new community - will bring great days to Callas.”

Corbin motioned Mal aside and handed him the bag. “I’ll make sure Mr. Loh hears you done the job well. Could be some other work for you, he’s happy with this one.”

Mal nodded cautiously. He still wasn’t sure he wanted to pursue a business relationship with Loh, but the job had been relatively easy and paid better than most. And, as Zoe had made clear, they weren’t in a position to refuse work. So long as everything was as smooth as it appeared to be, they could be on the verge of a good thing.

 

The settlement rested on the bluffs that overlooked the mine and consisted of a few clusters of low, white clay buildings. Each building looked to be big enough to house maybe four families, and between each was a strip of irrigated earth that would be suitable for planting - part of the settlement’s plan for sustainability, Magistrate Boyer explained as they walked.

“Every single clay brick was laid by our miners,” she expounded. “Not a single indentured hand had a part in building the settlement, and we’re proud of that fact. Everyone puts back into the community. With the Alliance’s freeze on new immigration, we haven’t had the human resources to grow as we’d like, which is why you're here.”

The center of town opened on a square and in the middle of it a large tent had been erected, strung up with colourful lanterns and electric lights. A handful of men were busy setting up tables while another group were laying down planks that would soon become a dance floor in front of a little stage at one end. The twelve prospective grooms were easy to spot, trucked out as they were in their Sunday best, nervously awaiting their brides to be.

A twitter of excitement went through the women and the men both as they saw each other. As the two groups drew closer, each sought out their prospective spouse and soon they had paired off and drifted away together to begin tentative first conversations.

“They already know who they're marryin’?” Mal asked.

“Oh yes,” the Magistrate replied, watching with pleased satisfaction. “They've known for several weeks now. We wanted to make sure the matches would be compatible, for both husband and wife. The future of the settlement depends on it.” She turned to look at him. “I appreciate the care you've taken with these women, Captain,” she said. “Not many would extend the effort.”

“In my line of work, you mean,” Mal stated and Boyer flushed but he didn't hold it against her; she wasn't wrong.

“Please don't take offense. Skirting around the edge of the Alliance can be a dangerous business, and one needs to be cautious--”

“None taken,” he interrupted, staving off her apology.

The Magistrate nodded in appreciation. “Still, we do appreciate it. And if you and your crew would care to join us, you're welcome to stay for the reception tomorrow, if it would set your mind at ease.”

Mal considered the offer, his eyes returning to the tent, the dance floor set up under it, and the possibilities they presented. “‘May just take you up on that,” he said, a small smile finding its way onto his face.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Well, things seem to be on the level,” Mal said once everyone was seated around the table. “Got paid an’ no one tried to kill us, I call that a win.” Jayne gave an enthusiastic “Yeah!” at that and Mal nodded, continuing. “As you know, our passengers are aimin’ to get hitched come tomorrow, and the town Magistrate’s invited us all along, if y’all are interested.” He couldn’t help but smile at Kaylee’s excited exclamation. “Conjure we can stay an extra day if that sits well with everyone?” he asked, looking to each member of his crew and ending on Inara, since it would push back getting to the Training House by a day.

“That sounds lovely,” she said, surprised and pleased that he was willing to let them take the downtime.

“Free booze?” Jayne asked.

“Imagine there’ll be some food an’ drink involved.”

“And dancin’?” Kaylee interjected, practically bouncing in her seat.

“Some a’ that too,” Mal confirmed with a nod. “Got a big ol’ dance floor set up right in the middle a’ town,” he said, eyes returning to Inara, the intent behind his look not lost on her and she ducked her head, smiling softly.

Kaylee squealed happily. “We can get all dressed up an’ do our hair,” she said to River enthusiastically.

“Is it… Will it be safe?” Simon asked hesitantly, reluctant to spoil the fun. The mood fell slightly as all eyes turned to Mal.

“Seems safe enough,” the Captain said, acknowledging Simon’s concern. “Folk here are just miners, though they are forward thinking regarding their community; might be wise not to go mentioning the fact you’re a doctor and your sister’s a mind readin’ genius, just to be safe,” he said with a wink at River.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” the doctor said, amused.

~~~~~~~~~

Later, Mal headed down to the cargo bay, having come up empty in his search for Inara on board the ship. He figured, unless she was avoiding him - and he didn't think he'd done anything to cause her to - off ship was the only option remaining.

He came to a stop at the top of the ramp, pausing on his way out, breath catching at the picture he saw before him. Inara stood a few feet away, staring across the vast expanse of the rocky desert at the setting sun in the distance, the sky lit in blazing streaks of orange, blue and pink. Limned by the fiery light of the sun, she fairly glowed and the beauty of her made his chest clench so tight he thought his heart might stop.

“Hey,” he said finally, coming down toward her. She turned and the smile that lit up her face literally did make his heart skip.

“Hi,” she said, happy he’d found her. “I’ve been watching the sunset. The colours are stunning. It’s one of my favourite things about travelling to different worlds, you know; being able to see their sunsets and sunrises.”

He smiled, moving beside her, pleased to know that about her, that she would tell him. “It is a sight,” he agreed, his eyes on her.

She smiled at his obvious appreciation. “You’re not looking at the sunset,” she admonished, teasingly.

“You look beautiful,” he said, by way of explanation.

A breath left her, startled by his compliment. He didn't give them often, and certainly not so directly; she could count on one hand the number he'd paid her before tonight. It had her heart stuttering in her chest and a blush creeping up her face. “Thank you,” she said softly.

Mal’s lips parted in a smile, amazed at her reaction to such simple words. Surely she’d been told so a thousand times before? _But not by you_ , a voice inside him said, and it set his heart thumping to know that was the truth of it.

“So,” he said, running his hand through the hair on the back of his head before bringing his eyes up to hers with a smile. “Was wonderin’ if maybe you might wanna take that walk?”

She met his gaze with a surprised smile, a pool of warmth spreading through her. “I thought you’d forgotten about that,” she whispered, startled by how breathless her voice sounded.

“Next time we’re planetside, we said, I seem to recall.” He looked around, stomped his foot against the earth as though testing it. “Know it’s a moon, technically speaking,” he said with a grin, “but seems sturdy enough for walkin’.”

“It does,” she agreed, eyes shining.

 

The sun set as they headed down the hard packed road that led away from the settlement and out toward the mines, the lights from Serenity fading behind them as they walked, side by side. The night remained lit by two moons that chased each other across Callas’s sky, a perpetual twilight that painted the clouds red and gold with their reflected light.

“I’m glad everything went well with our passengers,” Inara said. “And it’s good of you to let the crew stay for the wedding. They could use a day to be happy and carefree.”

“They’re a good crew,” Mal agreed. He scratched his ear - the sensitive one - and cleared his throat. “Didn’t want you thinkin’ I was tryin’ to… keep you from gettin’ back to your Trainin’ House, or--”

“Oh. No, no. I hadn’t…”

“Just wanted to… give them some fun,” he said, shrugging. And get a chance to dance with you, he added mentally.

She nodded. “Of course. I know.” Drawing in a breath to fortify herself Inara said, “Speaking of the Training House, there are some things I think we should talk about, before…”

“Before?”

“... _before_ before,” she restated meaningfully. “Before what we talked about last night.”

Understanding dawned in his eyes and his lips curled up in a grin as he reached for her, his hand catching her waist and drawing her to him slowly. “Oh, _before_ before,” he said once she was close, emboldened by the fact that she’d been thinking about it too, burying his nose in her hair, his lips brushing against her neck just below her ear.

Inara let out a little gasp, her hands going to his chest as her eyes closed at the sudden heat that shot through her at the whispering touch of his mouth on her skin, a flame setting fire to the kindling of desire that had been building in her all day.

“So, you sayin’ you still want to…’before’?” he asked, every word sending shivers through her as his lips teased against her skin.

Inara shuddered, hands fisting in his shirt, amazed at the way he could render her almost incoherent with the barest of touches.

“Buddha, yes,” she breathed against him, wanting nothing more than to take him into her bed that minute, but there were the things they were supposed to talk about, things she wanted to tell him... very… important… things…

Desire shot through him at her words and his arms tightened around her as he pressed his lips to her skin in real kisses, no longer teasing.

“Mal,” she said, urging him to stop as his mouth moved down her throat in earnest now, inching toward that spot that drove her beyond control. “Mal,” she tried again, pushing him gently. “After. We need to talk first.”

“Mmmm,” he hummed against her neck. “Ain't we talkin’ now?” he asked, sliding one hand around her back and lower, pulling her tighter to him. He bit her softly, right where her neck met her shoulder, lips parting in a smile at the shiver that went through her as she gasped again. He liked it so much he bit again, and again, thrilling at the way her breath came all heavy and her fingers clutched at his shirt while her head tilted to the side so he could have better access.

She was making sounds now, little noises of breathless pleasure with every scrape of his teeth and he praised whatever deity it was had let him find this spot. She cried out as he bit harder, whimpered as he sucked and laved the spot with his tongue, all the while her chest heaving against his with every desperate breath she drew.

He’d grown hard at her first gasp and now he was feeling the ache pulse within him, his own breaths coming fast and ragged. He groaned, pressing hot, open mouthed kisses against her skin, fueled on by their promise of ‘before’.

“I'm... serious,” she managed to force out between breaths finally, now that his teeth weren't on her - God what he could do with his mouth! It made her wonder what he would be like when he-- she forced her thoughts away, knowing they'd never stop if she didn't, and pushed against him, harder. “Mal, I mean it. I want us to talk first.”

“Been thinkin' about you all day,” he protested breathlessly. “About this. About _us_.”

“I know,” she answered. She had too. But she still pushed him back.

He sighed, letting his head rest against hers, relenting. “We get into this tonight…” he said, letting the thought trail off. Neither of them needed him to finish it to know what he was saying; that a fight would be likely, and any hope of ‘before’ would be next to none if that happened.

“We could try _not_ fighting about it,” she offered.

He stepped back, hands going to his hips, head bowed. “‘You think that's likely?” he asked, lifting his eyes to hers.

Inara swallowed, looking away, but then she drew in a breath and returned her gaze to his. “We need to be able to talk about things, Mal.”

“An’ by things you mean you takin’ clients.”

“That's part of it,” she acknowledged.

He sighed. “Inara, said I'd do my best to deal with it, but I can't see a way that talkin’ about it’s gonna make it any easier.”

“You must have some questions, some things you want to know. I think it would be better for us to address them now, before--”

“I really don't,” he said, shaking his head. “The less I gotta think about… you… with _them_ , the better off I am.”

She let out a breath, saying nothing for a long moment before she raised her eyes again. “There are some things I want you to know,” she said softly. “Things I want you to understand.”

Much as he wished he could ignore it, he could see it was important to her that he know whatever it was she wanted to tell him. He knew he wouldn't have let himself see it in the past, but that weren't where they were anymore, or at least, not where they wanted to be, either of them. Their relationship had changed, was changing, and he weren’t so stupid he didn’t recognize that. He didn't know that he wanted to know it, much less understand it, but she was reluctant enough to talk about any aspect of her life as it was; could be he might ought not stop her when she wanted to.

He sighed, conceding. “Suppose... I maybe should listen, then,” he said finally, nodding.

 

“A Companion always has a choice in who to service,” Inara said, sitting across from Mal. They'd found a convenient collection of stone ridges that made for a passable place to sit and had settled there to talk. “It's part of Guild Law, one of our very oldest tenets,” she continued. “But the first lesson, the most important thing about being a Companion, is control. It is imperative that a Companion keep a certain level of detachment from their clients.”

“Detachment?” Mal asked, surprised and Inara nodded.

“It's the only way to properly do the job,” she explained. “But that's not to say a Companion shouldn't like their clients, or even be friendly, on a professional level. It would be tedious if she didn't enjoy their company, and there has to be a connection, a certain compatibility that you learn to recognize. But any attachment beyond that can compromise a Companion’s ability to serve. To serve a client is to subsume the self. As soon as the self becomes involved, a person is no longer acting as a Companion. The focus must be on the client. Every thought, every moment, every action, every word, all of it has to be carefully considered.”

Mal listened thoughtfully, considering her words and what they meant. “That don't sound very… spontaneous,” he said after a moment.

Inara smiled dryly. “It isn't,” she agreed. “Nothing is spontaneous, nothing unexpected. Everything must be controlled.”

Mal blinked, surprised again to learn that. “ _Everything_?” he asked and she knew what he was alluding to.

“We call it Union. It’s... more than just the physical act of coupling. There is a spiritual facet; a transferring of energy, a calming of the mind, and a blessing of the body. For a Companion, it is a moment of giving,” she said, a reverence to her voice. “But at the same time it's all controlled; practiced, and detached.”

“Huh,” he said, the word slipping out as he processed all she'd said, hesitating before finally asking the question that wouldn't leave his mind. “So, that mean you never… with a client?” he managed to ask.

“I’d be lying if I said never,” Inara admitted. “But it's not my goal,” she clarified. “My purpose is to bring them to an awareness of their sexuality, its release, its renewal, the gift and the joy of that coming together. But it’s about _their_ journey to that discovery, not mine. Sometimes, if they are aware, they can bring me with them to that place, but I don't seek it.”

Mal frowned at that, unable to comprehend how anyone could not be aware of that with her. “‘Don't much sound like, well…” he trailed off, uncomfortably.

She raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to finish.

“Well, I mean… don’t seem like there’s much, uh... in it… for you.” He shook his head at himself inwardly, wondering how it was that he was sitting here with her, talkin’ about her orgasms.

“Maybe not in terms of physical release, like you mean,” she acknowledged with a dip of her head, “but I help people. I’ve helped them through grief, helped them cope with loss. I've taught young men to embrace manhood, given women a respite from the demands of society. I've counselled couples and saved their marriages, chased away nightmares and taught confidence. People come to me with a need that no one else has been able to fulfil. And I help them. It can be incredibly rewarding.”

“An’ you do that with sex.” It was more of a statement than a question.

Inara nodded. “Sometimes, yes. Sex can be a catalyst, a way to bypass reservations and inhibitions that would otherwise make it more difficult to help them reach an understanding.”

“That bein’ the case then, with you so keen on me understanding an’ all, why ain't _we_ havin’ this discussion after sex?”

“Because you're not a client, Mal.” She stood and moved towards him. “And when we’re together,” she continued, reaching for his hand, her voice dropping almost to a whisper at the thought, “I won't be servicing you. I won't be distanced, or practiced, or controlled.” She brought her eyes up to his, to ensure he was hearing her. “I won’t want to be. I'm going to be there, with you, in that moment,” she promised him, her smile sweet and glowing and full of honest love and desire, “and I'm going to want to take what I've wanted to take, and give what I've wanted to give, for so long.”

Mal stood, breathing heavy. Her words had him thrumming with desire again, hearing her speak, so open and honest, about wanting to be with him. It was all he could do not to reach for her.

She was very aware, felt the same. “This is what I want to explain, to ask you to understand - that it's different,” Inara said, seriously. “That it will be different when I'm with you. Can you understand that? Do you?”

“Conjure I can,” Mal said, his voice low and gravelly, coloured by the tight, hot need that was burning through him. “Showin’ me would go a long way t’wards makin’ it clear,” he added, sliding his hand around her waist, unable to keep himself from touching her.

Inara let him pull her close, but she placed her hands against his chest so she could look him in the eye and ask again - it was crucial that he understand this truth before she resumed taking clients; she needed him to have no doubts in this. “Can you?”

Mal hesitated, then sighed, his eyes cutting away. “...’Understand what you’re sayin’. An’ maybe it’ll make it easier, when you go, but I can’t promise--”

She covered his mouth with her fingers and shook her head, urging him to look at her again. “I just want to be sure that you know that I will never be with any of them the way I am with you.” She slid her fingers off his mouth and on to his cheek gently, staring into his eyes earnestly. “Tell me you believe that.”

He stared back at her, and she saw something soften in his face before he leaned in and and she finally let him kiss her softly.

“I do,” he said as he met her eyes again, as open and honest as he knew how to be.

Inara swallowed, a smile spreading across her face that she couldn’t contain. “Then let’s go back to the ship,” she said.

“Yeah?” Mal asked, a smile curving his own lips.

Inara’s grin widened. “Yeah,” she echoed, biting her lip.

 

 

 

 


End file.
